Just some food for thought....if you decide to set some boundaries, make sure you are ready to accept the consequences of them. I know in my sitch that if I set boundaries, the backlash can really affect me emotionally. Lately, I've just been acting as if....and seeing where it takes me. I would love to give him boundaries or ultimatums...but personally, I'm not ready to accept his reactions to what I would propose.
I think that allowing him to come and go is okay, but you need to be prepared for what happens when you allow him to do that. It's good for him to see that his home is still a safe haven and that door hasn't been shut to him. Try to continue to be kind to him and avoid confrontations...it will make it easier for him in the long run when he decides that he's really screwed things up.
???
Hugs!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
I hope you are well....the backlash is what would kill me....he would somehow turn it all around and make me feel like crap...for now I'm okay with it...last night at first I was a little ticked off that he just popped in...but then I thought, well, he felt comfortable enough to come over and come in...right? I have to look at it in that manner....emotionally I couldn't handle him being angrier with me...although he usually isn't angry he just avoids me all together....
I'm working through it....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, I like your decision to keep the door open, and it seems like you have confidence in yourself that you can handle the nervousness of when he surprises you with a visit.
good for you!
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
I'm okay with it for now...If I change my mind then I can...
D21 arrived safe. Enjoyed seeing her and her boyfriend last night.. a few laughs and she helped D15 with computer...S10 was all over her...these are the days I love...my kids are happy together and I just sat and watched and took all the memories in....they truly are the joys of my life....I am the one who will cherish these days, while H is out there in his greener grass. So, you figure it out, who wins here....no question....
When H did finally call to talk to son he asked to talk to d21 and she was so snippy with him...she says she doesn't want him to come see her....don't blame her....he promised to call her more..hasn't called her yet....or me...D21 and I are EXACTLY alike, we even look alike...I think he is scared to see her...afraid of what she might say to him...she is very strong and tells you what she thinks...
When D21 went to take her boyfriend to his mom's he gave me the biggest hug and squeeze...he doesn't know what to say...his father left him years ago and he has not spoken to him in over 10 years...he says the whole weekend thing sucks....
Anyway...D21 is leaving on Thursday and I am cooking a turkey dinner tomorrow night for us....we will use the good china and the silver...no need to wait.....we are a family....
((((hugs)))) p.s. sir; remind me of your court date, is it the 6th?
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
