I just talked to the new MC downstairs and she said there is still hope and not to detach to much and re-inforce that i still want this marriage to last forever.
WAIT!!! I would be careful about following the new MC's advice. Slow and steady. Change courses for a reason, thoughtfully and carefully. Just because the new MC comes in and suggests a change, doesn't mean it is the right time. HAve you had a talk with the MC about DB philosophy and techniques and what you have been attempting to do? Have you looked at your progress so far with this new MC?
Re-inforcing to your W that you want the marriage to last forever, sounds like pressure to me! Sounds like heavy heavy pressure. Look, she is in doubt right now. If you are following DB principles, then your task now is to back off and let her come to you. Your task is not to go out and track her down and cling tightly to her.
She knows you don't want a divorce. You've already covered that ground. You do not need to articulate that again, now. This is R talk, I would be very cautious.
Quote:
[new mc] is concerned about W drinking and told me not to drink at all because that can exasperbate (sp) the whole situation. I have hardly had a drink since August for it makes me think to much and I just get tired and fall asleep.
W is going to drink or not. It's not your issue. That is "her side of the street" as my counselor calls it. Stay off her side, keep on your side. If you want a drink, have one. But be reasonable, don't go get drunk. If you don't want a drink, don't. Forget about trying to "influence" W one way or the other with your own decision to have a drink or not. That is not detachment.
Tree, when you think of "moving on" - I think those are healthy thoughts. It means you are tired of the crap. But aren't there many ways to "move on"? Could you "move on" out of the misery and muck, and just keep on having fun, getting a life, keep on with that PMA? Would that be "moving on" enough? Maybe "moving on" can be a spiritual or emotional thing, eg, detachment, rather than a physical thing, that is to say divorce or separation.
I'm a little concerned Tree, that you are getting loose in the socket.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
