This is tough; I can only tell you my sitch and see if you think it compares to yours. My W told me last fall she saw new signs in me even though we weren't talking about R or seeing each other much. When we did see each other, it was briefly, and often by accident. There were, however, a couple of times when she said things like she knew I was working hard, and then, in an emotional breakdown, wondered where "that man" was while we were married. I won't go into the answer--that would take too long. But it was clear to me that she was seeing things. Women are smart that way. I did have some changes I needed to make in myself, and I've made great progress.
BUT.... then nothing. She went back to the venom the next couple of times we saw each other (again, unexpectedly). She didn't want to follow up on learning more about this new, evolving me. Then she said she wanted the D a few weeks after that.
I hate to rain on the parade; every situation is different. Your W does notice things, as Michele writes. However, what she does with it you cannot necessarily predict or control. She might want to learn more; you may be arousing her curiosity about what she's missing. On the other hand, you might not. Just remember your inability to control, and try to detach from outcomes you can't direct. All you can do is work on yourself for yourself, not for her or anyone else. Try to keep that attitude--it's hard--and you won't be bothered by what she does.
