What changed? You were having an EA online? You came here and talked about what you had done wrong. You were still sitting in front of a screen typing away. Did the guy sitting behind you see the difference? (I am hating myself right now!!) Your family is so important you don't want to be the cause. Does the guy in the "Chair" see it the way you do? Does he feel the same way you do?
Ok, what changed? Well, first I stopped having an EA! Since my H would not agree to C, I used this board for my therapy. So, yes, I was here a lot. Does he agree with me being "the cause"? I suppose so since he threw it up into my face that God could make one of the grandchildren to suffer b/c of me! Big guilt trip there, don't ya think? So, on that part, I guess he does see it the same way.
For my typing away every night, well, you never know who is snooping....right? Yes, he seems contented to just snooze on the couch or to watch tv like he has for 42 years. He told me himself that he was comfortable before the EA took place. He seems fine now.
You see, what frusted me so much in my posting, especially in the Sex Starved was that I went over and over this same thing about what all I had done over the years, but it is like I am still suppose to make him change and I don't think that is quite fair. I have my share of problems without being handed that responsibility also. What I mean to say is that I have tried everything I know to do in years past and nothing worked, so why do you and some others continue to put the responsibility on me to make him change? I have tried it all, man, nothing worked! Now, I'm old and sick and tired. I almost quit the board b/c I needed encouragement and not handed more responsibility or guilt. Listen, if the "Total Woman" principles from the 1970's didn't work....nothing will. You may not be familiar with it, but it was completely focused on what the W was to do for her H. I think that is when I saw that is was almost hopeless for him to change. I tried until the 80's and I began to wear down. Then in the 90's, I just tried to fill my life with church activities, etc. (I've alread told all this before) About 2 years ago is when I started trying to just play games on line and read at night. I was burned out on TV. As long as I sat in there with him and watch tv.....he's good. He may never say two words to me...but, he's good, he's happy. So, that is what I have tried to do is spend more time wathing tv with him. We kiss good-bye and good-night, and hug, etc. We are kind to each other. No more fights or things like that.
Have to go, will talk later.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
