Well, seems the W has found another OM...this is sad, really it is. I have a FF that I converse with quite a bit (she lives in VA) who kind of went through the same as W. She seems to think there are parallels there. She thinks W has the ILYBNILWY mentality...but beacuse she is so distraught with quilt and pain, she can't seem to admit she still cares for me.
Thats interesting. She also told me, if I was to have a new R, she would flip inside...part of me wants that..lol..kidding, I think. But I have done better thanks RMG. When I have gone over to pick up kids and such, I make brief interactions with her, and say virtually nothing to her when she talks about having a date, or this kind of stuff. I validate and say goodbye.
Well, seems the W has found another OM...this is sad, really it is. I have a FF that I converse with quite a bit (she lives in VA) who kind of went through the same as W. She seems to think there are parallels there. She thinks W has the ILYBNILWY mentality...but beacuse she is so distraught with quilt and pain, she can't seem to admit she still cares for me.
Thats interesting. She also told me, if I was to have a new R, she would flip inside...part of me wants that..lol..kidding, I think. But I have done better thanks RMG. When I have gone over to pick up kids and such, I make brief interactions with her, and say virtually nothing to her when she talks about having a date, or this kind of stuff. I validate and say goodbye.
I feel good today. I know I can do this..lol
God Bless Chevelle
Chevelle,
It is really sad.... They are so broken and they believe the way to be "fixed" is another person...... They need God and a good Christian counselor.... Honestly, all of this breaks my heart.... The thing that is really hard to swallow is most of these people will "realize" they have made a mistake...... Like I believe my exW has... After it is too late.... Of course, BEFORE they make the huge mistake, they are told by numerous people it is a mistake.... Yet, they press on with the stupidity...
If I were you, I would focus on GAL (Still!).... You really NEED to get out and meet some ladies.... Take a Yoga class.. Take an aerobics class... I know you will meet some ladies there.... Once you feel like you can REALLY walk away your W will feel it..... Hopefully, that will bring her back to you.... What you do is up to you...
Take Care,
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I have started to do that, RMG. I think this time I can walk away. I just cant love a woman that is so careless. I just pray God keeps me alive and up throughout this trial.
This time I really feel the death of my M. More than I have ever felt before. I feel like she is truly gone and is now an "alien", as they say on here. I just cant do it anymore.
If she wants me, right now...she is burnt. Im very angry and upset, but I cant do this anymore, so I wont
I understand totally how you feel. It is your choice.
The "alien" thing I bought at first. They are acting like some one else. However, I believe very few are actually "taken over" by another force. They are using their free will. That is the sad part.....
I want to clarify the following:
Quote:
The thing that is really hard to swallow is most of these people will "realize" they have made a mistake...... Like I believe my exW has... After it is too late....
It is only too late when the WAS asks the LBS if it is too late... The problem is the WAS needs to have the guts to try regardless of how it bleak it may look.... You NEVER know.......
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 03/04/0802:25 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I just hate the idea, though..that I always will have an unconditional love for this woman...6 billion people in the world, and I harp over one...ironic isnt it?
I know other women find me attractive and smart and all that...they have told me. I think maybe I hold on to the past W I had. I do agree a little though with your theory on the alien thing...I just think she has an addiction, cause her BF tells me she regrets it after the fact, but then cant fight the urge to stop it.
So, I will RUN from this little charade...she wants to be friends..but RMG, she is losing everyone around her...her family, her kids are slowly depising her, her BF is losing her...and now her fall back always there exH is departing..
I just wish she could see what she is doing to herself..no for any reconcilation purposes, more for the kids and her own stability...she seems to becoming self-absorbed and losing control of her life and she doesn't know it.
Rock bottom is emminent...she needs that and us being there is not helping her to that point...
I just hate the idea, though..that I always will have an unconditional love for this woman...6 billion people in the world, and I harp over one...ironic isnt it?
Yes! I know that all too well...... It is a VERY tough place...
Originally Posted By: Chevelle
I know other women find me attractive and smart and all that...they have told me. I think maybe I hold on to the past W I had. I do agree a little though with your theory on the alien thing...I just think she has an addiction, cause her BF tells me she regrets it after the fact, but then cant fight the urge to stop it.
I think that makes it more difficult when women see these qualities, yet the woman you love and want to be with chooses to ignore them....
What type of addiction? Sex?
Originally Posted By: Chevelle
So, I will RUN from this little charade...she wants to be friends..but RMG, she is losing everyone around her...her family, her kids are slowly despising her, her BF is losing her...and now her fall back always there exH is departing..
I do not think you should be friends... I would make it clear.... We are either together and working on our R or nothing...
That was hard for me... I wanted to show my exW unconditional love.... BUT, I was really concerned about her using me.....
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 03/04/0807:03 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Chavelle, I have read your post and let me tell you it's just a man not the other man a substitute that she can try to justify herself with. I would suggest that you work on GAL and still continue to love her, stand for your marriage and most important give it to God. He can't work a miracle if you are in the middle you need to give her to God every day. He will take good care of her. Don't listen to other people tell you to move on. You move on when God tells you to. Even in divorce we have a responsibility to our spouses, you will know what's right. Ask God for help everyday and listen he will show you the way. It is not easy, and the outcome may not be what immediately you thought was right, but you will see it will all work out. My sitch is this, 8/06 ILYBNILWY, two weeks later I want a divorce, divorced 8/07 wife in MLC, two girls 12 and 5, married 15 years together 20, like a bolt out of the blue, my counselor says MLC. I am standing, and will stand until God releases me. Treat her with all the respect and love you have for her, don't worry about the OM, be patient and listen, to both your heart and head, it won't be easy. What's easy is just jumping into a relationship to make you feel good. Trust me it won't the pleasure is short lived. And pray, pray, pray.
Chavelle, I have read your post and let me tell you it's just a man not the other man a substitute that she can try to justify herself with. I would suggest that you work on GAL and still continue to love her, stand for your marriage and most important give it to God. He can't work a miracle if you are in the middle you need to give her to God every day. He will take good care of her. Don't listen to other people tell you to move on. You move on when God tells you to. Even in divorce we have a responsibility to our spouses, you will know what's right. Ask God for help everyday and listen he will show you the way. It is not easy, and the outcome may not be what immediately you thought was right, but you will see it will all work out. My sitch is this, 8/06 ILYBNILWY, two weeks later I want a divorce, divorced 8/07 wife in MLC, two girls 12 and 5, married 15 years together 20, like a bolt out of the blue, my counselor says MLC. I am standing, and will stand until God releases me. Treat her with all the respect and love you have for her, don't worry about the OM, be patient and listen, to both your heart and head, it won't be easy. What's easy is just jumping into a relationship to make you feel good. Trust me it won't the pleasure is short lived. And pray, pray, pray.
Chavelle, I have read your post and let me tell you it's just a man not the other man a substitute that she can try to justify herself with. I would suggest that you work on GAL and still continue to love her, stand for your marriage and most important give it to God. He can't work a miracle if you are in the middle you need to give her to God every day. He will take good care of her. Don't listen to other people tell you to move on. You move on when God tells you to. Even in divorce we have a responsibility to our spouses, you will know what's right. Ask God for help everyday and listen he will show you the way. It is not easy, and the outcome may not be what immediately you thought was right, but you will see it will all work out. My sitch is this, 8/06 ILYBNILWY, two weeks later I want a divorce, divorced 8/07 wife in MLC, two girls 12 and 5, married 15 years together 20, like a bolt out of the blue, my counselor says MLC. I am standing, and will stand until God releases me. Treat her with all the respect and love you have for her, don't worry about the OM, be patient and listen, to both your heart and head, it won't be easy. What's easy is just jumping into a relationship to make you feel good. Trust me it won't the pleasure is short lived. And pray, pray, pray.
I understand what you are saying, Hopeful....I have been S for nearly 2 years now, and really see no light coming yet. I believe its MLC too, but there are deep scars here from her childhood that I think is the main culprit here.
RMG, the addiction I speak of could be considered as sex, but here is the sitch she has to deal with....
As a teen, she used sex to get her own way with men...she has had sexual abuse as a child, so I justify that behavior...now I see her acting just like she did as the teenager she was then..but as an adult.
So you see, as much as I want to stand, I agree with you, Hopeful, that I want to stand because I really haven't heard God tell me to move on. I hear thoughts of holding on, but have yet to determine if its God or Satan.
I have heard people tell me before that they have been through hell and back for a very long time before they were rewarded. And they also say the reward IS WELL WORTH THE LENGTH OF THE WAIT.
That alone keeps me sane and stable.
So, while I might stand and unconditionally love her....I wont watch paint dry, but I also won't deny an opportunity for GAL if a woman wants to have dinner with me or go dancing sometime.
I am pretty good as being watchful of myself, as well as knowing I am nowhere near ready to have a serious R.
I also agree with you, RMG. I don't want to be friends if I am only to be used as a doormat. She knows my feelings and the last few days I have taken my power back, she has noticed, but seems perplexed as to what to do. I can tell you she still seems to feel more comfortable around me than any of her BFs. It is like she is cake-eating....she gets her fun from the OM, but her stable comfort from me. That is not going to happen, Im sorry.
