The biggest crap I got from both of my boys when their Mom took off was for going on and on about it all the time. They hated it when I was a mess, and rightfully so. But even after I got my act together, I still wanted to talk about it, explain it to them. They did NOT want that. Oh, they listened politely, but they were always glad when it ended.
They just now are feeling safe enough to speak honestly with me about how much it bothered them then. They KNEW I was a mess, and they knew I was trying to make it make sense for them. But they didn't want to deal with it.
The kids suffer the most because this issue always pushes at them to choose sides. And no matter how wacky one spouse is, that spouse is still a Mom or Dad. If the relationship has been generally normal, the kids love BOTH parents. They don't want to feel as though they have to choose sides, or pick the better one. We don't even have to do something explicitly to make them feel this, that's the dangerous part.
Just let them know that you're there.
Let them know that you have YOUR act together.
That's what they need from you during all this.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
