piecing for real

[limbo]

Thanks Saffie,

Neither of them were psychologist, the second one basically after 2 sessions told me there was nothing wrong with me and I didn't need to come back! Very helpful! I tried to talk to my Dr at my last appointment, and said I should try support groups!
Sometimes I feel like everyone thinks I am just being a drama queen, but if you haven't been in the situation you don't know.
So I will try and find someone, but here you can't get into a psychologist without a dr's note, when i go back at the end of the month I will talk to her again.

[saffie]

I actually got referred through my doctor. Having said that not all cognitive therapists are psychologists.

I agree with you that if you haven't been in the situation you don't know what it feels like. I would even add that even if you have been in the same situation that doesn't mean you will react the same way. I had to get help otherwise my head and my thoughts would have driven my M back into the ground. I have every faith you will sort this out; recognising there is a problem in the first place is the biggest thing IMHO.

[limbo]

Thanks Saffie!

Thats how I feel now, that if I don't get myself sorted out, I will drive my M into the ground, and thats not what I want!
So I will presue other options and try and get some help along the way!

[Lord Grenville]

Hi Limbo,

I also would highly recommend Cognitive Therapy. I have only had four visits with my therapist, and already I am learning how to take control of my thoughts. I am starting to recognize the negative thoughts right when my mind thinks them up, and instead of letting them trigger negative feelings, I am dealing with them in a constructive way.

There are simple tools you can learn to use, like keeping a thought journal to recognize the thought, and how it makes you feel, and then to examine the thought, which really diffuses the impact the thought might have at that moment, and in the future when similar thoughts make an appearance again.

My Therapist gave me a list of the 10 most common "Cognitive Distortions" and I think I have been guilty of at least 8 of them. For instance: Over Generalizations - where you view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. Or there's All-Or-Nothing thinking - where you look at things in absolute black and white categories. Or how about Magnification or Minimization - where you blow things way out of proportion or you shrink their importance.

We can all struggle with these things, but as we learn that we do not have to be victims of our thoughts and feelings, we can begin to live with more of a positive aura surrounding us, which can go a long way toward how others react to us too.

Smile, and remind yourself that life is going to be alright.

LG

[limbo]

Hello All,

Its been awhile since i have posted....I feel bad posting when there are so many struggling.

I am still struggling with feels and emotions, and its been very hard, as I know that I am in danger of ruining my marriage.
I have however spoken to my dr, and she seems to think that what I am going through is not A typical, and in away its like a delayed grieving. So I will be going to see a psychologist, I called today to make an appointment, just waiting for a call back.
It will be the same one that h went to, which my dr thought would be good, because she knows our background.
I have come very close to calling my M quits in the last couple of weeks, and h has sensed this.
I am just struggling to get passed all the pain and hurt...mostly its dealing with the treatment, I have never been so hurt before in my life.
I was reading Nam's posts in new comers and he said it the best, I have shown everything to h, gave him my love and shown my soul, and he didn't want it, and he threw it aside, and I need to get past this, because if I dont my marriage will be over, so hopefully I can get the tools to work through this and deal with it.
I wanted to post this to show others that even though h/w come back and they are working hard to make it better, there is alot of baggage that has to be worked through! So be prepared for that. Because I wasn't I thought once he was back to be all would be great and we would have a better marriage, I didn't expect to now be the one who can't deal with all that has happened.
I thought I was strong!

[Sara]

Limbo,

Sorry to hear that you are still struggling with negative thoughts and depression. I think consulting a psychologist is a good idea. Saffie has been going to a cognitive behavior therapist and she is happy with the results. Taking action to get help is an important step to take.

[Lord Grenville]

<<<<Limbo>>>>

You are strong

You are loving

You will get through the storm


...I have shown everything to h, gave him my love and shown my soul, and he didn't want it, and he threw it aside, and I need to get past this, because if I dont my marriage will be over

Can you view this a little differently? Perhaps that your H was so caught up in his own struggles and challenges that he was not able (worthy?) to connect with your love and your soul - at that time.

Try not to view it as a rejection of you and your soul. But a time in the past when he was unable to connect properly with you.

Use positive affirmations that you can write and recite throughout day, that can counter any negative thoughts that crop up from the unpleasant days which are in the past. Live in the present with positive, expectant thoughts of better days ahead.

Easy for me to say...I am still praying that my W will agree to attend Retrouvaille next month.

I appreciate your sharing the facts of the hard work that piecing can be.

Take care, and maybe try listening to the Peter Gabriel duet with Kate Bush - "Don't Give Up". I find a lot of hope in that song.

Best wishes,

LG

[limbo]

Thank you all for being there!

I know that I have to do something soon, before I totally shut myself off from my H.
I do try and stay positive, and I do try not to let it rule me, but I also know how I feel and how my mind works.
And I have never felt this way before.
So hopefully I will get an appointment soon, and be able to get started.

[limbo]

Hello,

I was re reading some of my threads, and reading Saffie's a few up, really drove home, that I am about to run my marriage into the ground!
I called the Therapist, but haven't heard back from her yet, so getting alittle anxious about that.
I know that I am slowly withdrawning myself from my H, we spend less and less time together, and we never dialogue anymore.
I asked him if we were going to bother going to core(retrouvaille) anymore, because we don't dialogue, and he said that he wants to continue, and likes dialoguing, but we haven't done anything.
Our sex life is just about non exsistant, he says its the AD he is on, but I don't buy it, and its not been since I have been down but right from him returning.
I just don't see how its ever going to be where it needs to be, we know how important it is to do but yet here we are, going back to how it was before!