here comes the sun.,...It will be alright

[Dr LOve]

Interesting reading. I did not write this but changed the wife to husband....


When chronic depression enters the marriage. Let's say that the Wife has chronic depression. The Husband may pick up many of the tasks that would customarily fall to the Wife. Depending on how long this goes on, an avalanche of negative momentum begins.
The longer this process goes on, the more the Husband begins to feel resentful, hence, there is less compassion for the one struggling with depression. Yet, for the Husband, it's like being a single Parent while married. I've been told by many spouses that it would be easier to be a single parent than to live with a spouse struggling with depression, because it's like having a Special needs child in addition to all the other responsibilities.
These remarks are not to assign blame or heighten anyone’s sense of being victimized. It's very important to understand that EVERYONE suffers when depression attacks a loved one. Blame only functions to create animosity and distance between two loved ones.
Sometimes the spouse of a depressed partner becomes depressed as a result of living within a "depressed lifestyle" for too long. Depression is said to be contagious and can become a shroud over the spouse or family. It's also vital to consider that depression may not only be genetic, but it can also be taught. You heard me right. For instance, our children's most powerful classroom is the home. Both "Nature and Nurture" contribute to depression.
Depression works its way into your moods, attitudes, behaviors, tone of voice, posture, life outlook, and work ethic and so on. If you live in a "depression atmosphere" you are constantly modeling and teaching how to be depressed. The first step in a plan of action is to know that it is actually depression that you're dealing with
Naming and accepting the problem is half the battle, for BOTH spouses. Why? Well, when folks are depressed, there is no obvious scientific evidence to prove it. And yet people have an instinctive need to what is causing such pain. The depressed person may project their negative feelings onto those closest to them, i.e. a spouse, a boss, the children, the neighbors etc. If you're married to a depressed person, at times you may question your own sanity.
Dr Love