Back on the Roller Coaster - OW still around

[fooled again]

Mike,

Yeah 9 mos w/ no income and for 4 mos of that he was spending like he did when he was employed - burned through all his severance, RRSP & stock cash-outs. Talk about replay! He took OW out for dinners, bought her presents, went to SF w/ her. Of course I had no clue that he was spending like that. He was giving me child support until his money ran out, but that was about 4 mos ago. It's been pretty scary financially since then and I've racked up some debt trying to keep up w/ mortgage payments. I can tell you that H getting this job is about more than just his self esteem - it's about our survival. Otherwise the house would have to be sold.

But you know what's really strange? I really wasn't ever truly afraid. I've been realistic, but I knew in my heart that H would get a good job, and he would do it soon. FIL kept telling H that he should consider lowering his sights and taking a job that was lower than he was qualified for. H refused to do that - he kept on pursuing the jobs he knew would pay him at least what he was making before. It was tough b/c he interviewed for three different jobs he thought he would get easily. He was feeling very discouraged, but he didn't give up.

I wonder if it helped any that I didn't nag him about money (I mean what would that have accomplished - a real 180 for me too). Nor did I push him to work on our M (I realized that would have been pointless too). I was hoping that his withdrawal was about him focusing on getting a job, and being depressed that. Despite what I said earlier, I am hoping to see some changes in him w/ working and having an income and being able to support his family again. Will that make him come home right away? I doubt it. But it might make him more relaxed and feel like he has something to offer me. I just have to force myself to continue to be patient, that him getting a job is not a magic bullet to fix our M, that we still have a long way to go, and a rocky road ahead. This is just one of those big baby steps along the way.

Selling my home would make me sad, and my heart goes out to you. On the other hand, sometimes getting rid of all of the old baggage frees us up to truly start fresh. It's a wonder your W hasn't talked at all about what she wants from the house. Makes me wonder...

There you are, on one side of this coin, close to divorce but maybe not. And here I am on the other side, close to reconciliation but maybe not. Ugh!! And we are both doing the same things - GALing, planting seeds of doubt, trying to take care of ourselves and our kids, making sure we are creating a life that will make us happy, strong, independent. Watching our S's but trying not to let that determine what we do. It sure is a balancing act. I think I need to get out and blow off some steam this week w/ some friends.

Oh and today was the first day I was able to run my 3.5 miles at close to full speed (85%) without my knee hurting! It was on the treadmill, but still...

FA