I had some talks with W's two good friends and asked them how to go about telling W in a nice way that I wanted keys and split checking. They agreed we should be living with those tighter boundaries and warned me to not use the words "I feel like I am being used".
I typed a letter explaining in nice words that I needed some more separation in our separation. In it, I asked for her copies of the house key and that we will split the checking.
We had a short talk when I handed her the letter. She did not take it all that well and I detected several times the "I am the victim" attitude coming out in her. She wanted to know why I changed as she thought we agreed to go as we have been until our cutoff date of July. I told her that we should still have 4 more months of separation but that I needed to change some of the boundaries so as to make the separation more like the living conditions in a real divorce.
I did get the keys from her and we talked briefly about what to do on Mondays (my day) in which W takes D5 to violin lessons. I suggested that I start taking D5 (with D7 along) for the violin lessons. I think W tries to overcomplicate things. For me, it is simple and I would love to take my daughter to those lessons. W can still take her on Tuesdays for the group violin lessons.
We will go in together next week to get the checking split. W is working longer hours to fill in for the head teacher this week.
I offered to retrieve her handguns from the 3rd party and get them back to her as she likes to go to the range, but I told her that she has to take the handgun safe also so as to bolt somewhere in OM's place. She is well aware it is not safe to have handguns out where the kids could find them. Her response to my offer was "just keep them", it is not my house (OM's) and I cant just go drilling holes anywhere. She is so irrational as she and OM went shooting with a police officer this last Friday and used the officers guns. I know that they would love to go shooting more in the future.
I also tried talking to her about the kids and some things we need to focus on in their behavior (especially D5). I told her I found a motivation/discipline system that sounds very promising. Probably not the best time to talk about the kids, but she agreed that some things in our kids behavior need improvement.
As she was leaving the house, I noticed the SUV in the driveway and I had the mini-van from skiing yesterday, so I asked her if now was not a good time for me to start permanently driving the mini-van and she can keep the car (which she has at OM's house) for easier more economical driving. She barked "you just keep all the vehicles".
W left the house in a bit of a foul mood fury - I did not get a hug which is understandable. We talked on the phone and she still seemed irrational. She was saying things like "just throw my clothes and things away", "take it all since it is all your money", "your the strong one", "you just want to look good to everyone", blah blah blah. I politely told her that anytime she wants to talk to call me up.
It is times like this with her that really make me not desire her anymore as my W.
