Thanks everyone for coming back for the update. One thing I have come to learn about my wife, and if I had gotten this years ago there wouldn't have been so much arguing, is that if I just let her vent, let her say what she feels she needs to say, then don't react, 95%+ of it just blows over. The bit of drama earlier today about her not believing me about not getting any money for selling our small investment property a few weeks ago is pretty much gone - as far as I can tell. Here's what happened.
About ten minutes before the kids got out of school, I stopped by my house and was going to walk across the street to see them real quick and give D8 some shoes she left at my house. Right after I got to the house, W shows up in her car and parks behind me. All right......... Since I'm right there, I go up to her car and say hi and ask her when I can arrange to get her Ss10's birthday present (Friday). Then, I go to my car, get the closing statement for the property transaction so she can see it in black and white, and she doesn't even look at it, says it doesn't matter and drops the whole thing. I simply let it go. Then I suggested that she stay there adn I'll walk across and get the kids. She says no, she'll get them, and I tell her that I was looking forward to seeing them for a few minutes, but that OK, just tell them I said hi. I walk into the house, and she drives away. Five minutes later, the kids come running into my house! She had gone to get them, then brought them over to visit me. She stayed in the car and we played for about twenty minutes, then they all left. I made sure to say "thanks" to her before she took off.
Nicola, regarding counseling - we're back next week, and I have already started preparing notes on what to say, and equally important, what not to say. My own internal "shut up".
I had forgotten to mention something that has made me think a lot. Small thing, but.... Last week, W changed her hair color back to what it was when I met her, more of her original color, somewhere between auburn, brown and red. A very nice color on her, and I told her so (for what it's worth I added). When the separation first went down, she changed her hair to blonde, and I never liked it (not that my observation was much of a concern to her). When she had her one-time affair three years ago, she explained to me that she "just wanted to be somebody else, anyone but herself". IMHO, that's what the blonde thing was as well. She's now dressing a bit more "mom-like" (still sexy as hell, though ): ), seems to be interacting and playing with the kids a lot more, from what I hear she's not dating at all and in general, seems more "normal".
I don't have any idea is this is a "comeback" for her, or maybe she is just finally realizing we have to play nice for the sake of the kids. Maybe she's wondering if a reconciliation is a possibility - who knows. One thing I do no; I'm not going to give her any reason to get pissed at me and ruin this. Like Frank says, I just need to be the rock.
Is it too soon to suggest sex???? Kidding - take it easy.
WOW DNQ you are back to posting. It's great to hear your story. You might just be one of those saved M's. Who knows. I know that is what you want in your heart and you would give anything.
Keep it up! You are doing good!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Add me to the list of the "IMPRESSED". Good work on your part, but it also helps to see "movement" from your wife. None of it would have been possible without her deciding to remove the R O in the first place.
But this is so much better for the kids. Regardless of the outcome, resolving much of the hostility will make everything so much better.
But this is so much better for the kids. Regardless of the outcome, resolving much of the hostility will make everything so much better.
This is exactly how I'm seeing it. I hope two things happen for now; 1) she continues playing nice, and, 2) I don't screw anything up.
Thank you everyone for the encouraging words. The only contact I had from W today is that she called me early this morning to ask if I had any poster board. Seems Ss10 was fininshing up a homework project and needed some at the last minute. I didn't have any, then asked her if there was anywhere I could go buy some (it was around 7:00 a.m.). She said they'll just figure something else out and we said good-bye.
DNQ, if you keep doing things with such love for your W and you continue be as "even" as you are, i.e. you do not react to her actions, positive or negative, you are not going to "screw" up. Yes, she could take it badly but you are doing right by her and your children. I am completely impressed by you.
If she doesn't play nice, that is her problem. She may even do that to "test" you. But you don't have to react to that.
DNQ, wow!
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I went to my house today, the one across from the kids school, about ten minutes before school was out, so that I could walk over and pick D8 to take her to get her hair cut. I had pre-arranged this with W the day before. Within thirty seconds of my arrival, W shows up in her car, so that she can park there as well to get the kids. Normally, she just drives through the pick-up line. OK.....
So, I start walking over, not really sure what she's going to do, and she ends up walking right along with me. Light chat, nothing to speak of really. The kids are once again surprised to see us together, especially to pick them up. So were several of the teachers and other parents. We get them, and the five of us walk back to the cars together, just like we were actually a family. Kids wanted to go to Jamba Juice and asked me for some cash. For whatever reason, I didn't have any on me, so I met them all there after hitting the ATM. I asked W if she had any cash (I was wondering why kids were asking me) and she said no and that her car is out of gas, and she has no money. So I gave her $100 and suggested that she put together her bills and whatnot for us to go over. She didn't ask me to do this, I suggested.
Ss10 has a father-son basketball game tonight at 5:00. His bio-dad is going and is playing in the game. Sidenote; I'm glad that Ss10 has a decent enough relationship with his dad, but it irks me that he only gets involved with him for sports. Ss10 is in fifth grade and his dad has never gone on a field trip, and until this year, never attended a teacher conference. Oh yeah, he keeps clear when the $15k tuition bill (each) comes in. Anywho, W suggests that I come to the game and drop off D8 (and stay for the game as well). I do just that, and sit far away from her. Not that I'm really having to avoid her at this point, but I'm not going to interfere with her "space" either. Afterwards, just said a couple things to her, told her I'll meet her tomorrow morning at the dentist (she's taking the boys in) and said bye. I got out of there without her getting any "pursuit" from me. Not that I'm really acting "as if", simply because I don't feel that way, don't want to fake it, and she'd see right through it anyway.
