Hi everyone!! We (all of us!) had an amazing time. Absolutely wonderful. The girls enjoyed every minute, as did myself and H. I don't regret going one single bit.
That being said, I will list a few things...
1. The night we arrived, I received a text from H while out feeding the fish with D6. It wasn't for me. It wasn't sexual, but flirty. I got back, told him to resend the text to the right person, and went on with my night. After they went to bed, he wanted to talk about it. I told him, I wasn't mad (he was shocked) and that he will be moving out when we get home. He claims he just met her (whoever she is, I didn't ask a thing about her) and they hadn't done anything. Told him, not my concern anymore.
2. We went on the rest of the week as good friends. We were relaxed, comfortable, and had a great time, even together when the girls were asleep. Of course, having happy hour every single night helped that. I have literally dropped the rope and its made an amazing difference in my life, for myself, and for the way I am around H. And the way H treats me is totally different, he is no longer on the defense, there is newfound respect and caring that has been very absent. Everyone says to 'let go' and move on, but honestly, it just won't happen until we are ready. I am ready to let him go, if he needs to go.
3. H cried a lot on the trip during our long talks. Regrets, sadness, lots of messy stuff. I listened.
4. H moved out yesterday. Plan is to keep the girls in their own beds every night, H will come there to watch them when I work. We will get ourselves settled/situated and then make different plans/start the D process. H was very emotional yesterday, packing up things. The girls don't know anything, they won't notice any difference for quite awhile. Finally, our crazy schedules will help something.
I am ok. I am relieved to have him gone, yet miss him and love him like crazy. I will be fine. I know this now. H may not want to be married to me, but I realized I don't deserve to be around someone that doesn't want to be around me. Space will be my friend and enemy, but mostly my friend.
I have literally dropped the rope and its made an amazing difference in my life, for myself, and for the way I am around H. And the way H treats me is totally different, he is no longer on the defense, there is newfound respect and caring that has been very absent. Everyone says to 'let go' and move on, but honestly, it just won't happen until we are ready. I am ready to let him go, if he needs to go. 