My H used to be the same way. He would make me feel like I didn't contribute anything because all I did was 'sit on my a$$' at home all day. What a crock!

After we S'ed and H saw what it was like being at home all day with a rowdy and stubborn toddler, taking S12 and S8 here and there, having to buy the groceries and all that other good stuff.....Only then did he realize it was NOT as easy as he thought it was. Only then did he acknowledge it and apologize to me for every negative thing he ever said or complained about.

Originally Posted By: karen43
I'm also thinking that...probably a good part of the depression was helped by H's name-calling of me and making me feel poorly about myself. I need to work on boosting my self-confidence so that doesn't happen again, but I also think I need to stop blaming myself for all or most of the marriage problems too.

I'm almost certain that has had a lot to do with how you feel about yourself. It sounds like he's been terribly emotionally and verbally abusive to you. It certainly hasn't helped you.

I have blamed myself, too, for the way my M turned out. From the very beginning and for quite some time afterward, my H blamed me for everything. Told me I chose his life's path for him, and sadly, I began to believe it (I don't any longer). I got pregnant, we got M'ed, I got pregnant again, our mortgage was because of me, and once again I was pregnant. All of that was my fault. He never wanted any of it. He was only here because he thought he was doing the right thing.

He has apologized soooo many times over the last year for ever saying those horrible things to me. He said he can't believe why he ever did that. Doesn't have a clue as to why he said those things because he knows they aren't true. He said he was just so very screwed up and lost his way somehow.

Quote:
...then later that night out of the blue he asked, Well where did you go Sat. night and spend my money?


"MY money". HIS money. I have heard those very exact words too many times to recall! Ooooh that freakin' gets to me! Just remind that man how much of HIS money you're saving him from not having to spend it on daycare! And on drycleaning! Housekeeping, too!

Aaaahhhh....ok, I'm good now.

I'm happy to hear you had a good night out, Karen! Plan for more. \:\)

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell