Minkerman is so close to piecing !

[LoginName]

You seem to be the naturally positive, action kind of guy. I think that will work well with DR/DB stuff, and the counselor. I think too much. Different drummers and all that.

What I think is needed, is backing off with no expectation of the affect it will have on our W. Back off for yourself. Really try hard to put this all out of your mind for a while. You might want to look at it as a 180. And it could change an act "as if" into a act because it is.

I think the DB counselors are more interested in doing the right thing, regardless of the motivation behind it - and I think that works and is good, but I think, for me, it works better if I get my head wrapped around it and understand, at least to a point.

One thing that my W and I did was attend a couples communications workshop. We used the book "fighting for your marriage". It describes a technique called speaker/listener. Using that technique, I really tried listening to my W. It's amazing. She told me things I had heard before, but hadn't HEARD. It taught me a new level of listening.

Have you listened to your W? What is she saying? Has she said why she wants to be alone for awhile? Have you heard her? Just curious.