...... so, I take the phone, and very cautiously just say "yeah". Went a bit like this:
W: (sobbing, almost crying) I can't do this any more. These stupid restraining orders are screwing everything up. We can't even talk about the kids. Me: We shouldn't even be talking about this. I can get in too much trouble. W: So can I. I'm not trying to get you in trouble. All this BS has to stop. Me: I agree. But it's too late for that now. Getting rid of the criminal court RO might not be possible.
blah, blah, blah. We talked for ninety minutes!!!! She agreed to do whatever is needed to get rid of the recent permanent order. We talked, even joked around, about the kids. Not a word was said about the marriage, the divorce proceedings, our relationship, or anything about us. My God, it felt so good to have a conversation with her. Risky, I know.......
* I went to the courthouse the next day and set a court date for about ten days later for us to appear in front of the judge so he could determine if the order could go away.
* A few days after our V-day talk, the hearing was to take place relative to the original TRO from July. She told me she wasn't going to show up, and she didn't. TRO dismissed.
* A few days after that hearing, the hearing on my TRO against her was set. I told her the night before (we were actually speaking almost daily) that I was simply going to show up and request that it be dismissed. I got to court and was waiting to be called, and she showed up, even though she said she wasn't going to. We went before the judge, I requested a dismissal, which was granted, and she never had to say a word. I left without talking to her. Later in the day, she called me about the kids, and I said I was surprised to see her there. She said that she wants to trust me, but something told her to be there to cover herself. I simply said to her that I did exactly what I said I was going to do.
* Last Wednesday was our court date to remove the last of the three orders. So I'm driving down there and W calls me. She isn't feeling good and asked if I would mind picking her up and drive her there. I did, and how weird it was. I haven't been alone with her, or in a car for that matter, in about ten months. We hardly said anything going down there. We got in front of the judge, he asked her several questions (...are you doing this on your own free will, etc..) and then dismissed the RO! No more restraining orders at all!!! Finally. We leave the courthouse, and now she's being friendly, feeling better (it was nerves/stress) and very talkative. She even showed me a cute picture in her purse that D8 drew. It was time to pick up the kids from school, so she suggested we go there together because she needs to use a bathroom, and my house is right across the street. So while she's in there, I went to get the kids (Ss10 is on a three-day field trip). You have no idea how surprised they were to see she and I together, and then I drove them all home.
* The next day, she and I finally have a co-parent counseling session that she agreed to attend with me. I had scheduled it two weeks prior for myself, but after the day before, I asked her if she was interested in coming as well, to which she agreed. Well, it didn't go all too well, mostly because I had a bit of an attitude. In hindsight, it is simple. For the first time in almost a year, after all the pain she put me through, it was just very emotional to be in this setting with her, knowing I can't bring any of it up. I didn't deal with it well. So I called her a couple hours later to see if I was going to pick up Ss10 when he returns from a three-day field trip that evening (my day to have D8 and S6 as well) because it was hinted at in counseling that day that this would be OK, but not resolved. She immediately shows her irritation with the session, saying that I didn't have to attack her like that. I simply said that we disagree on some big issues (she says she will fight me in court if necessary so that I don't get 50% custody). She says she doesn't want to talk to me and hangs up. OK.
* Ne was my day to have the kids. I pick up D8 and S6, and S6 had an envelope with a tooth in it that he finally lost that day at school. He asks if we can come back in a couple hours when mommy is there so he can show her.
* As the kids and I are leaving to go to the school so he can see mommy, she calls me. Her irritation is completely gone, and I thought she was calling me to have me pick up Ss10. She simply called to chat about a parking ticket she just got in front of her house. Was she calling just to chat with me, to hear my voice, to be friendly? What the hell? I tell her that S6 wants to come show her something, she says OK.
* Get to the school, I keep my distance, S6 shows her, D8 hugs her, then the kids go off to play with all the other kids gathered there to wait for the class to come back from the field trip. I motion for W to come to me (she's by others) and when she does, I tell her "I think things could have gone better today at counseling, and that next time I intend to do better and be more productive" - no apology, or admission that I did anything wrong - She seemed a bit surprised that I said this and was OK with it. I asked her if I am taking Ss10 to dinner the other kids and me, and she said she will see if he's hungry. I said "he's a ten year old boy, he's always hungry" and she gave me a little smile. Then she said "well, I'm hungry too". HUH? Is she implying that all of are to go to dinner? I stopped myself from saying anything else. He gets back, and is of course hungry, and W says to me "why don't we all just meet at **** for dinner". WOW! We all get together and had a nice, casual dinner. First time in almost a year! I could tell she felt the same thing I was feeling - this is OK, the kids are enjoying this, and what next. We then go to Coldstone for ice cream, and she is so totally playful with the kids, then she even stood right next to me, her arm brushing mine, and for about a minute, her foot resting up against mine while she was talking to one of the kids. She then takes Ss10 home and I go home with the rest of the clan. .....continued
