Thank you Pam, it always surprises me when someone tells me they've "known" me here for years.
Yes, I know... I guess it is to be expected, as when you look at how many people read a thread in relation to how many post, well, the numbers are always way off. I do have my "favorites" that I read~ some because they are really awesome people who I admire (you're in that category, as well as Lissie), some because I think I can offer help in some way, and some because (I'm going to be honest here) they are such train wrecks that I am curious to see what is going to happen next. Those shall remain nameless.
I have to comment on your thought provoking post. I could not agree with you more. I also believe there is such a thing as MLC, but just like ADD and ADHD it is overly used to explain away bad behavior that usually came as the result of no boundaries. It kills me when people go to the MLC board saying stuff like "My h is only 28, but he hates his job and is seeing another woman. Is it MLC?" Inevitably people will respond with, "that most definitely sounds like MLC."
WTF?
Maybe there should be a forum titled "Dickishness." That is really most of the problem!
I too wonder about the efficiency of DB at times, especially when I started to feel like a stepford wife, always agreeing and validating. Ugh. I kept thinking in my head, "when do I get to be happy?" I see the value in "loving the unlovable," but when it makes you feel like a doormat I think its time to shut that one down. Sometimes one cannot change a marriage, and people should not be made to feel like if they just tried harder or tried some other technique that could be the magic key.
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I just hate to see the same people I started here with 2 years ago still clinging onto the desperate hope their husband or wife will snap out of it and come have a lovely supper with them some day. It's maddening! These are the people that continue to cycle in and out of deep depression. These are the people who continue to drag their children through the hell of separation because they cannot move on with their life and accept the reality of the here and now. There are no winners in those situations and it pains me so much to see their perennial suffering.
Hear, hear. I just wanted to put that back up here. SO well put!
I love that you put all this out there. If it makes only one person rethink a few things it was more than worth it.
