MLC Wife- Broken Tree thread locked again

[SirPrizeMe]

Hey Z, I'm certainly not thinking that your comments were directed to me. This is Tree's thread after all. I said I Was feeling defensive about my situation, and I am, but not in response to anything you said. It is mostly in response to the stream of accusations from my wife. typing is so difficult sometimes - it is easy to have misunderstandings.
anyway, I'm cool with you.

I see a ton of similarities in the situations, yours and mine. Like yours, my wife is a conflict avoider. She earned this, I believe, living through a tough childhoold with an alcoholic mom, and a father who essentially abandoned her. There were lots of fights in her house, sometimes physical, and they never led to anything good. In contrast, there were fights (only arguments, nothing physical) in my house but no one ever left me. My mom was not an alcoholic. My dad never left.

So I was comfortable to air a conflict, while she was not. Who knew?

I get what you mean by saying, your wife started talking with people who would listen to her. I get what you mean by saying "she went with what works." The problem is, it works for a short time only. It's just more avoidance. Having an affair might feel "supportive" in the short term but it is a disaster in the long term. An affair is the very definition of WHAT DOES NOT WORK.

He is a nice guy, everyone likes him, he is fun to be around. He is also alone and lonely and nice and all that. This was not a plan, but the result of two lonely people coming together.
Yeah, I get how affairs happen. I also am comfortable with people being more than just "good" or "evil" - people are complex. And people change over time.

But "this was not a plan" sounds a little too indulgent to me. Yes, it wasn't a plan, but there WAS a plan (and a commitment) to have a family. What happened to that?

It's one thing to drive aimlessly around and then end up somewhere you hadn't expected. That's called wandering. It's another thing to set out for the beach and then end up at the mountains. That is a lack of responsibility. Having an affair is a personal failing.