Still Tryin's 2nd piecing

[S.T. _I Made It!]

feelin a little under the weather. figured I had caught H's flu last week, but it's not near as bad as his, but still making me tired.

okay, I pulled up my H's myspace page and saw his dumb collage pic he found somewhere of selma hyack. however you spell her name. Now, he's always 'liked' her, and of course everyone has a "crush" on some actress/actor. I just hate it when guys, M guys, have pics or show them off. especially when YOUR not being shown off...at all. oh, he does have 1 pic of me, but he makes a joke calling me a monkey. (I have a lemur on my shoulder and he calls it "lemur and a monkey") which normally I would think funny, and I still do, but still hurts my ego.

so here I go again, feeling bad for myself because I want my H to show me off and not have some stupid actress with boobs as big as my butt. AND that she looks alot like OW, both mexi, both tiny with playboy assets, dark straight hair. blahblah. I really wonder sometimes, if I was bigger chested.. okay NORMAL chested, if I would care as much. I still remember the comment he made like 8 years ago at a party and all the guys were stating their "perfect" measurements, and I joked at H asking what his were and he said "oh, you don't want to know".

I know I'm feeling more upset about this because I just "started" (tmi sorry guys), and I'm feeling a little sick, so I'm sure everything seems escalated in my mind. Things aren't bad here at all, just been blah since everyone isn't 100% healthy.

I guess probably the problem is me being insecure, and me also not receiving love in the way I feel loved.

A friend of mine tells me how her H constantly says "your so pretty", etc and it almost drives her crazy. I'm thinking, well at least he says it than not at all.

I suppose I need to figure out what I DO want, which I'm not even sure, and relay that somehow to H. I just know that I've talked about the whole compliments thing a milion times and granted, he's done a couple things in the last year, but they are so far and few between, and I'm not sure what works to get more of it( because talking about it doesn't at all and neither does fixing up)

this is just a bad day for me. sorry to be so down. s3 has been being rather difficult, so that doesn't help.

At least one good thing is that H and I are going to coach our s3 soccer team, and I'm really excited that H choose to do it. I kinda talked him into it, but still, if he doesn't want to do anything, he lets me know, without a problem.

I'll try to get better, and be more positive. I need to follow my own advice and keep the negativity away.