Mako...I'm sorry but my opinion from being in your shoes...your wife would be "best served" going to the halfway house. I am really sorry but I think that is the best place for her right now. I say this even though I do not know your sister, but I do know what happens at the halfway houses.
The ones that I am familiar with have very structured routines. The clients can only leave for specific reasons, they have group sessions, therapy, meetings (internal and external) and everybody has chores to do and are encouraged to find jobs and pull their own weight. I really think this is the type of environment your wife needs right now. Not people who are going to cuddle her or 'baby' her back to health. It's not gonna happen that way....
My H was told many, MANY times during his recovery NOT to make ANY life changing/altering decisions during this time...esp as far as relationships are concerned. In fact, many of the sponsors would tell them not to even get involved with the opposite sex because of the difficulty of making rational decisions during recovery. I would think this applied to marriage/divorce/separation/reconcilliation etc. H and I were not married at the time and truthfully he ignored their warnings and had a really difficult time ACTUALLY getting clean. It took a real long time and many relapses and rehabs for him to FINALLY get it together.
Now I'm not saying it was bcuz he refused to give up our relationship but I'm just saying that this is a very difficult time for your wife. I know how hard it is for you right now too. If your anything like me, I know that you want to help her in anyway....to take the pain away and make her all better. But it is not your fight to win. She HAS to do this on her own and this is the first step for her. She has to take responsibility for herself and her actions. She may not be able to face up to that if she has you and your children to face as well.
My only advice is to allow her to go the halfway house...a reputable one. A program that is geared toward helping addicts gain their own self-respect and inner strength. Once she is able to deal with her pain she will be better able to deal with the day-to-day issues of life in general...including your marriage and family.
My best to you...I think of you constantly and really feel for you. I have been where you are now....
