it sure adds an awkward element to things when you have sex w/ WAS, doesn't it? I just got through that myself. It's kind of a catch 22 cuz having the closeness is wonderful,or it was for me. Then you wind up wondering what thoughts and feelings are being produced in S's head. But of course DB'ing says that we are not to pry to find out what feelings they may be having. The sex itself is not anti-DB'ing according to Michelle. It works for some and not for others depending on your sitch.
I pretty well blundered a little anyway because it is easier said than done to not get your hopes up that getting in the 'sack' again will accelerated things towards reconciling. I went a little out of my way to start spending a little more time around W after 2 straight days of having sex. And I believe she could tell that I was "attaching myself to hope". So she started using subtle and/or pronounced language that she was unchanged in her thinking about following through w/ our pending D once the 90 day waiting period is completed.
She said, "I am sorry if I hurt you [emotionally, by us rolling in the hay]. I needed to have you, but I just don't trust you. It is painful because I wish I could".
It sure is painful (for all of us). Nothing burns me up more than for her not to trust me. Also her notion that aparently once trust has been broken that it can't be rebuilt. Or that she is not interested in rebuilding it since I know that it surely can be rebuilt if you take the proper steps to do so.
