WAW's PA over, but still wants Divorce

[Hope4us]

Here's my situation. Me - 47, WAW - 47. 2 Boys, 19 & 15. WAW started affair Mar 07. I discovered it 9/4/07. WAW refused to quit affair. I exposed to OMW on 11/13. OMW says OM ended affair early Dec. Don't think WAW thought in her mind affair was over until early Feb....WAW still claims OM has nothing to do with our "problems" and wants a divorce.

That's the short version. I'll add some details..

We relocated for work in Nov 06. WAW and I both work for the same company. When I got transferred, company found WAW a job with our company but at a different location about 15 miles from where I work.

Shortly after our move, WAW starts talking about this "fun" guy at work. Didn't bother me much as WAW has always had more men friends than women friends. She talks more and more about this guy and then I find cell records that she's calling him first thing in the mornings, late at night or when I'm not around. I confront her and tell her it's making me nervous. "He's just a friend". Yep. She quits the calls but starts going out by herself more often. We always enjoyed shopping together, going out to bars, dinner, etc. Now all of the sudden she wants to do this by herself. Red Flag, but I trusted her.

Fast forward to August, after many discussions about her involvement with OM, my concerns, etc WAW tells me I don't have to worry about him because he's moving 300 miles away to a different job with our company. The night of his going away party she leaves work at 2:00 and comes home after midnight and I get the ILYBNILWY. Couple weeks later I see a text from him that leaves no doubt of the affair. I confront WAW and she admits it but refuses to stop.

Next couple months she would take off everyother weekend and go see him. Some of the "off" weekends he would drive up here. Like I said, 11/13 I got ahold of OMW and exposed to her. OM is a POS. This is his 4th or 5th affair that his wife knows about for sure or is pretty sure he's had. He's also an alcoholic, verbally abuses his kids and wife, has physically abused his wife in the past. 2 of his 3 kids can't stand him. OM and wife live 1000 miles apart as he's a contractor who moves from job to job every couple years.

Like I said, OMW is pretty sure OM broke off the affair in early Dec. I don't think it was over in WAW's mind until late Jan/early Feb. That's when I got the "I want a divorce" speech. WAW claims our problems have nothing to do with OM. She never realized how unhappy she was until, yep, you guessed it, she started the affair. She's never loved me, EVERY time we've ML in our whole marriage it was just sex to her. I'm controlling, I dominate conversations, I've caused the mid-east crisis, Hurricane Katrina was my fault...you get the picture. I realize now that I have contributed to some problems in our marriage, but we did have a GOOD marriage. Everyone that knows about this is just amazed because they thought we were the perfect couple. Never fought, WAW and I would take a couple trips a year to Fla without the kids so we could stay connected, etc. Always did everything together, were each others best friends. Over the last couple of years before our move I was traveling for work quite a bit (in the year right before the move I was probably gone 3 weeks a month, but home on weekends and there was one stretch in there I was gone for 7 weeks without being home). WAW did make a comment a week ago about no one paying attention to her which I know was directed at me. I'm assuming that's what OM did, pay attention to her when she was lonely because of my work and bam, affair off and running.

When WAW told me she wanted a divorce I told her that she could file if she wanted to, but I would not do anything to help her along. I also told her I would tell the kids that I wasn't ok with the divorce and that WAW was just that, walking away without even trying.

I found DB about 2 weeks ago. I had been doing a few of the techniques without even knowing what they were.

So here we are. WAW rarely communicates with me even though we still live in the same house. She sleeps on the couch and doesn't wear her rings, both of these since late Sept. Prior to exposure to OMW she was at least civil to me. Now it's like we're separated but living in the same house. So the last couple weeks I've been GAL, using the LRT, no R talk, acting like I'm moving on, with or without her, no ILY's, nothing. WAW hasn't mentioned divorce for about 4 weeks now, but there's been a couple of things I've seen that make me think she's just getting her ducks in a row before filing.

Ok, now you know the story. Here's what has been going on between us the last couple weeks. After WAW says she wants a divorce and I tell her she can do that if she wants, but I won't help, she actually started responding to me some. Not much, but in DB terms, there were some baby steps. She has been making dinner for us, cleaning, sometimes, just sometimes she'll do something that shows me there is still something there. Then last Thurs, all of the sudden she's back to not saying a single WORD to me. Even if I say something to her I don't get a response or if I do, it's a one word answer. Did she contact OM again so her WD from the POS is starting over? Who knows?

So, Friday night I went to a indoor soccer game, then out for a couple of drinks with the team. Last night I took DS15 to a friends house for the night. On my way out I asked WAW if she wanted me to bring her anything home for dinner as I was going out. She said "where you going"? When I told her she replied "no, I'll be ok". She almost seemed disappointed when I said I was going out. When I got home about 9:30 she was already down for the night on the couch with all the lights off, except for the t.v. I told her goodnight, as always and got no response as usual.

Is the 180/LRT working? Is her shutting down last Thurs a result of those? Is that a good sign? Today is our anniversary and I got her a card and a small thing of chocolates. In the card I just said "happy anniversary" and nothing more.

Any comments are appreciated. I'm thinking of calling a DB coach to see what they think my course of action should be.