While your wife is in this addicted state, she won't be able to respond very much (if at all) to your efforts at meeting her emotional needs, even if you were to "do them better" than the OM.
Your instincts are correct -- she needs to go "cold turkey" and agree to work on your marriage with you, free from the contact of the OM, so she can come down off that brain-chemical high and the two of you can work at your issues.
