The mistress has more than I can offer

[saffie]

Dayana,

My H told me about his A. We had been going through a bad patch for a while - I was not easy to be with and had withdawn from the M. I was suffering from depression. H told me about the A because I was trying to turn things around and he could see that and also I think because OW was putting pressure on him. H was still at home, ( I didn't really suspect an A), and OW had left her H AND her children and set herself up. She thought that my H was going to somehow get rid of me and then she would move in and just become me-with my children as well - obviously she was quite delusional.

When H told me about the A we had an almighty bust up and my kids went mental. It got very nasty and my H kept saying to me that he wanted to live at home and still see OW and just see how things worked out. I kept telling him that wouldn't work. In the end I did something really stupid, (tried to commit suicide), and that brought things to a head. I went to see a psychiatrist, (who I had already been seeing in an attempt to shed the depression), and my H came with me. The psychiatrist told my H he was being extremely unfair to both me and OW if he thought he could keep us both on the go competing with one another.

After seeing the psychiatrist H and I talked again and he agreed that he didn't really want to be with OW. He said he knew he loved me more, (at that point he would still say he loved OW and she loved him),and that he wanted to be with me. As soon as he told me about the A he had given me a way to contact OW and her husband. He had also let me view all correspondence etc between them. He broke it off with her and I was privy to all future correspondence etc and his mobile once more became 'public'. He became 100% transparent.

Hindsight is a great thing, but looking back I beleive not only did he see the changes I made but also he wanted out of a situation he kinda 'fell' into and didn't know how to get out of. Once I knew about it he wanted me to clear it all up for him. OW was afraid of me, ( and well she should have been), and so backed off once she saw H and I were reunited. I think it worked in my situation like this because H was ready to end it with OW. Deep down inside he knew it couldn't work with her. Now he tells me he never did love her and he doesn't believe she loved him. From all we have learnt about her since he thinks she was using him as a means to an end and she would have eventually left him.

Another factor in all of this was the children. They were old enough to voice their distress and dismay at what was happening; my second eldest contacted OW and told her what she thought of her. That really shook my H.

I have to say that what happened in my situation was pretty dramatic and hell to live through at the time. It could have gone either way and I wasn't thinking things through at that stage- I was acting by instinct. Lots of things were in my favour, the biggest of which being that the A had been going on so long that the 'novelty' factor had worn off and I think my H knew that OW was not a good match long term. I am very aware that this would not work for many people - every situation is different. However, I know that I could not have lived with my H running back between myself and OW - for me, I would rather have split from him that put up with that, and hoped that he came back to me later from his own choice. But that's just my personality!!!! Everyone is different. I want to say as well that that's not because I think people are wrong necessarily to do that - it's just it would have hurt me too much.

Good luck