I haven't posted here in a long while. Probably no one will read this,but... I think I've had some interesting insight, and maybe someone else will find it useful too.
I had an A, time passes, my W leaves for OM, has A. She came back. We are working it out, things are good now, but for a long time, they didn't look good and I didn't think they would ever be.
Remembering some of the bad times, I was wondering, what if my W had found out and confronted me about my A? What would I have done? Would it have worked out better than the way it has? Would I be better in that role, the WAS role, then in the LBS role?
I think, being honest, I would have agreed to almost anything to keep my W and M. I would have vowed to never see the OW again. I would have tried hard to be better, please her, earn her trust. But, unless she changed too, unless the root cause of our problems were addressed, I would have ended up being very bitter and resentful. In the end, it probably would have been worse and I would have been pushing for D.
So the lesson is, if you are the LBS, the wronged one, don't expect your WAS to come back and do all the work to make it up to you. It won't work, It will come back to haunt you with resentment. The right answer is to understand how hard it is for the WAS to come back. To address the real problems (which don't include, as I'm sure many have told you, the OP, it really, really isn't about them).
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
