Update to my sitch, the end has come

[mako_man]

Thanks guys. Took the kids out there yesterday, 3 hr trip, she was happy to see the kids. It was a beautiful day there (Florida) and for the first 3 hours we all sat at a picnic table and talked, kids played with her, etc. No tears, she genuinely appears free of the depressive feelings, at least outwardly. She read a few excerpts from her AA big book for me and the kids which mirrored some prior experiences in her life. Stuff I already knew, but for the kids it was an eye-opener. We then all sat in on a group session with the rest of the addicts and families on the campus. The counselor explained why our loved ones are addicted, and the addictive cycle:

1. PAIN- The addict feels pain and looks for a way to escape from it
2. Addictive agent - The addict discovers drug of choice (sex included)and discovers that the pain is temporarily masked
3. Negative Consequence - After using the addict experiences some negative consequence (jail, failed marriage, loss of job etc)
4. Shame, Guilt, Resentment - These negative consequences cause these reactions which in turn cause PAIN and the cycle continues.

I mean really, is this rocket science? Dont most people, including the addicts understand this cycle? My wife basically tells me that over the last 30 days this (along with the 12 steps) is basically what they go over DAILY. There has only been 2 one-on-one sessions for her to speak with a counselor and spill the beans on her mental disorders, her actions, her addictions, her failed marriage, loss of children, etc. I was having a conversation with another addict there and he said something interesting: "People dont come here to get better, they come here because they where volunTOLD", basically meaning these people were either court-ordered, in trouble, trying to ave a marriage, etc. They didnt just wake up and say, "I need to get better I am going to treatment". That made sense to me. Anyway, she did get a pass to leave the grounds and we all went to lunch, had a decent time. She has explained that her counselor did suggest that she go to a half-way house after she leaves (in 5 days), at lunch she asked me if I thought that was a good idea rather than her going to live with her sister. I simply explained that I think she would be best served around her sister and their family, but its up to her. Then she explained, "i just dont know where I am even going to live" and I blurted out, with the kids at the table, "come stay with us". Its was a knee-jerk statement, she said "I dont think thats a good idea" then she started to cry and I apologized and changed the subject. The kids where asking her "why?" but I asked them to drop it. It was a very awkward moment, she later called me last night after we left and asked me not to get upset with her, she is still confused and explained that she cannot make big decisions while in her present state, she also told me she loved me and was so thankful for me. Anyway, she did LOOK better, she was down to 95lbs when I got her into rehab, she has put on a good 15lbs and looks healthier. Just cant get over the feeling of so much tension between us, almost a palpable barrier that exists there, even when we hugged. Ah well, enough rambling, thanks again for all the advice.