I'm following this latest turn of your thread with much interest - as are many others I expect cos it impacts significantly on so many of our experiences and situations.
I have got round to thinking that forgiveness is one of those easily spoken of "givens" in the repairing of a damaged relationship. Right up there in the "Love is" category of mushy pap.
Its almost so ubiquitous as to become beyond examination, yet it desperately needs looking at and interpreting by everyone who has been hurt or has played a part in the hurting.
We only seem to meet this challenge with the big stuff though. Perhaps thinking how you forgive people over smaller things might provide a valuable insight into how to progress with the bigger stuff.
IMO one of the major problems is that forgiveness is spoken about as if it has a universal, commonly accepted quality. Sure, we all talk about it as if we share an understanding of what it is but its likely to mean many different things to different people. The treatment of it as a commonly understood concept forces us to strive for something we believe we should attain and with the right kind of effort is attainable. It also leaves us with a tendency towards "fast forgiveness" cos we want to get that requirement ticked off in our efforts to mend and move on.
This externalization of the concept means that even if we get close we probably will fail to grasp it fully. This is dangerous.
IMO folks need to spend time (like with the 5LLs) finding out what forgiveness looks like and feels like to themselves and only themselves.
Lan, above you mentioned trust...I think this has a huge role to play...perhaps when you finding yourself trusting your W you are starting to forgive?
For my part, I have to forget others and their way of defining forgiveness cos that ain't gonna work for me.
Best - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
