Well Amy I think that Virginia and other 'moderators' do need to step back and REALIZE that you aren't being a jerk, you are writing with passion about things you believe in.
If they cannot read these discussions without taking it personally then they need to re-think their positions as 'counselors' because they aren't maintaining their neutrality but instead are becoming 'part of the problem'.
I completely agree with the observations about sgtx... She is a decent person but she has given advice to myself and others that comes from a position of not understanding the complexities of our situations. As MICHELE knows you can't apply the 'DB principles' blindly in every case. If that was true then there would be no need for ANY OTHER SELF HELP BOOKS because, well, DB would be the only book anyone would need.
Since we all know that's not true, it's the combination of DB'ing, and other actions that helps all of us. We all bring our own experiences to this place and help each other.
Sgctx only speaks 'DB'. and as such can give newcomers the impression that one can 'fix yourself' and then everything else will just work.
If only it were that easy.
You do need to fix yourself, and eventually YOUR life will start to work. But that is no guarantee that your marriage will work, as we all know. And yes, sometimes there are situations that are OUT OF CONTROL. The WAS is crazy, literally. Where's the chapter in the DB book about "dealing with a crazy WAS who is destructive?" The one who maybe has a restraining order against you while she steals your money? Ask DadNotQuitting about that one.
If the purpose of THIS board is only to talk about DB solutions to marriage then there's going to be a lot less people on it. And of the ones that ARE here who ONLY listen to the limited solutions in the DB books, well some will get destroyed by their WAS's vindictiveness while they sit and 'give them space'.
So, I am hoping that Virginia and others, including Amy and the rest of the members can take a step back and see how one person's actions, while in their mind were 'for the good of everyone' came from the heart, but were in the end executed in haste without a good understanding of the people in the community.
And this IS a community. Not just 'Micheles Board'. We've seen groups rally to the cause of someone in need, we've gathered in various cities around the country to actually MEET face to face.
If anything, that is the lesson here. THIS IS A COMMUNITY.
Sgctx and others need to absorb this lesson. I know I am.
And if there is a fundamental change going on in this community for business or political reasons I could understand that IF it was clearly stated. And if that was the case, then I believe it's usefulness will have hit a roadblock and then it will be time to start another one somewhere else.
I hope we're just having some personality conflicts here. This community has 'worked' very well for a long time. It's only recently with the changes unilaterally implemented by one well meaning person that has caused the turmoil.
