Worried I found DB too late

[cw68]

Today was a good day, with just a little bad thrown in. We spent most of the day together busting out the tile in the front hall and laundry room. Worked well together. Then a neighbor watched the kids while we went and picked up the hardwood floors. Had a R talk during this time. It started because I told him about the therapist that I found, told him I'd like to go to her together sometime (but didn't push or ask when/if he'd be up for it) and told him that I didn't think I was going to continue to see the therapist I've been seeing because she's honestly not much help.

The conversation had some rough parts and I know he was uncomfortable at times. BUT, I still think it was good to have because a) he saw me not get angry, not start crying and staying collected and b) he actually disagreed with me and it was a 2-way conversation. H doesn't like to disagree. At one point I did have to pull him a bit out of his shell and it was a positive thing. As he was off staring, not looking at me and silent, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now? Right at this moment?" He said, "I thought we've gone through all this stuff before. Nothing every changes, I won't ever change your perspective. Perspectives never change." I was able to tell him that I didn't feel we ever talked THROUGH these things, that instead he would just clam up and I never felt like we made any progress. I also told him that I do think that perceptions can change, that by talking and by explaining his perspective I can come to different realizations and points. That it is possible.

The bad. Well, maybe I shouldn't have had any R talk, but I think it turned out OK in the end. (more on that later) He also said, "Well, maybe our lives are just headed in different directions." To which I said, "if we try, we can start to head them back together again, but if we don't do anything, yeah, they will just continue on these paths." Then I asked him where he thought his life was heading. He just said that he didn't know. That he really didn't know. I validated that. While it's not the answer that I wanted, it was the answer that I expected and it wasn't the answer I feared!

The reason that I think it ended OK was, as we were driving back after having this discussion, I reached over and put my hand on his leg and said, "I miss your touch, its comfort." And he actually placed my hand in his and put his other hand over it. Then we went out to dinner with the kids and I put my hand on him again and he placed his on top. But the kicker is not long before he went to the apartment, we were sitting on the sofa and HE reached over and took my hand and held it. Then as he went to leave, he hugged me a few times. Tight. And he really reached out to grab me to hug me.

I think some progress was made today.