I know you are not doing a survey, but this has been my experience. I was divorced in my early 30's with three sons. They suffered very much and I was not especially happier. I think I should have tried to reconcile. I was really a runaway wife. Your situation is different but since you seem ambivalent I hope that you do what is best for your boys. Maybe deferring the big decision would be okay.
My sons struggled with 'joint custody'. That is nice arrangement for parents but difficult for kids. Maybe you have a civilized routine already. I did not read backwards. Parenting is more difficult as they grow, not less. If it is possible to reinvent a good partnership with your husband, it would help your sons. That is the only thing I do know. My boys have told me.
The marriage problems that brought me to this board were to do with my second marriage. I am still haunted by my first...
I think trying very hard to fix things with your husband might be the right thing. At least for the kids. I am here to suggest some future partner will probably not be an improvement. The Brady Bunch was a fairytale. Step families are fraught with problems from what I know of them.
It is possible that everything will be better if you divorce, but I don't think it is likely. People keep making the same mistakes. Even divorced you will still be struggling with same problems but without the resources of security and the odd comfort that marriage seems to provide.
I feel crazy for offering any comments, but I found divorce to be traumatic. I am in favor of avoiding it, if possible.
