I am finding internet addiction horrible to deal with and my husband and I are at an impasse. Last December, I confronted my husband with evidence of his obsessive interest in cybersex, moved my money to a separate account and consulted an attorney. Initially, it had the desired effect by waking him up to what a serious threat this was to our marriage and he agreed to go for counseling. Shortly after, he said he wanted to "come clean" and ended a physical affair that started out as an online relationship. To make a long story short, the OW got angry that my husband ended the affair, called me and told me horrible things which devastated me even more. It was at this point that my husband admitted he is sick and I believe he finally realized how much he hurt me and the children. (They know something horrible happened but don't know what it is and I think this is a source of anxiety for them).
Well, my husband and I have both been in therapy since April (I started in January). We are outwardly friendly to each other and even do things together as a family. But nothing I do seems to work. I intially told him I loved him and wanted to make our marriage work. He said he didn't know what he wanted and only wanted to do the "right thing" which didn't include saving our marriage. So I tried doing a 180. I am now doing my own thing, going out with friends, doing things with the children, and I'm actually enjoying myself.
But my heart is broken because, ever since the affair with the OW ended, my husband can't bring himself to say he loves me, even if I tell him that I love him (I stopped saying ILU after getting no response). We sleep in the same bed but no longer make love. I have tried to reach out to him but he ignores me. I know the cybersex has continued because he now takes the laptop into the bathroom and complains of stomach problems for being in there constantly. I act concerned and tell him he should see a doctor because he never had this many stomach problems before-(just to let him know that I have noticed this is out of the ordinary).
I have been told that therapy for a sex addict is a waste of time if they continue to conceal their problem which is something most of them do. I had confronted my husband about the cybersex on two other occasions prior to December and each time he told me how sorry he was, how much he loved me and how it would stop. He only concealed it better and lied and lied to cover up. He later told me that he lied because he was embarrassed and ashamed of what he was doing and the person he had become.
I really give credit to the people who stick it out for years in troubled relationships. I am not that strong. This is tearing me apart and will make it impossible for me to function. I am giving it until September to see if there is some improvement then I think it is time to throw in the towel. I really believe this is a true addiction because these people are often slapped in the face with the consequences of their actions. They risk losing their jobs and their families and still can't stop. My husband also told me that all of the people on line were just as "fat and ugly" as he is. He isn't fat and ugly and I have told him so but that is how he sees himself. The internet is a place where a person with low self esteem can be anyone different from who they are.
If anyone has any other ideas on what to do, I would really appreciate it. Nothing I do seems to work and we are only growing farther and farther apart.
