Karen, GF is absolutely right. If anyone in your R is flawed I would look at your H first. After all he's the one who's gotten involved in an A. That alone speaks of a severely warped personality trait.
When my W told me she wanted to end our M she glossed over the little fact she was having an A. At first I took all of the blame for the failure of our M -- and she let me take it too. (Even though I knew about the EA, she led me to believe it had gone nowhere and was thus not a factor in her decision to leave our M.)
For a long time I beat myself up pretty badly. But over the following weeks as my W continued to show zero interest in trying to work our R out, to any degree, I realized there was more to this than she was admitting.
Betrayal is such a horrible thing to do to someone you once considered to be your friend, let alone your best friend. That's bad enough, but to then betray the one person you swore an oath before God and all humanity to love, honor and cherish takes a seriously whacked character flaw.
I know that a lot of WAS who inhabit these forums are not really going to like hearing what I am saying, but if they were to be perfectly honest they would have to admit that, if the shoe were on the other foot, they would think no better of such treachery, were they the victim of it.
The saddest thing is that so many people must have this flaw.
