So, this is something I really haven't addressed with anyone yet. Not my family, not even my counselor. I think I haven't mentioned it yet because I've been dealing with the situation at hand..re-caping to family and counselor specific feelings that I had that week, or interactions with H.
But, now that things are starting to quiet down and I've been away from H for some time now, I'm starting to really allow myself to feel something.
A little piece of myself is gone. It feels like it will be gone forever.
Whether I would describe it as innocence, pure love, total trust in a human being, obsessive love... Something. Something is gone forever since H's betrayal of me. I still cry over the loss of that innocence. Of pure oblivousness, total trust that H would love me and never do such a thing to me. I think back about how much I trusted H. I feel like I will never have that again. It's like I've been tainted.
And the thing is, I work in Disability Insurance. I've dealt with people who really have had a rough life and I'm still thankful for the life I have. But, I think about how I view love and trust now and I feel like a little part of me has died.
You guys know I've been doing well. But, this is something I realize is going to take a lot for me to work through.
H & I, both 32, together since 18. *M 7/03, A since 9/06. Bomb 7/07, H ended it w/ OW 9/08 * Agreed to D 6/09...very hard *D 8/10 * At peace, have become great friends w/ X-H and his new GF
