Interesting thread.... So many of us battling with a variety of emotions. Yes, I do think many of us find it easier to blame the OP. We like to think of our spouses as "taken in" like a teenager might be. My guess is in many situations men are pulled in by the lure of sex and/or having the opportunity to feel like a hero, and women by someone who finally seems to listen, understand and helps feed the weak areas of ego. But I'm sure there are other reasons...
Yes my husband definitely had a big hand in the affair and the divorce. The way I used to describe it was that; Although my marriage had been "dying," (my husband was unhappy prior to meeting OW), she handed the nails to my husband while he pounded them in the coffin (the marriage). I know it wasn't not "her fault," but what occurred was the result of her choosing to become involved with my husband. I don't believe it would have gone that far without her or someone like her.
P.s. Saffie, I'm reading "Wedding in December." Not her best book so I can't recommend it (kind of slow and dull). By the way... the book I read before this; "The Doctor's Wife" by Elizabeth Brundage, is a fascinating read. The plot is based on an affair and some other controversial topics. Very suspenseful and kind of chilling....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
