My husband is having an affair

[alwayshoping]

So I have been making every attempt I can at remaining upbeat and positive when H is home. This is hard because as I am sure most of you understand what I really want to do is throw all his clothes on the front lawn and burn them....just kidding..sort of! What i do find difficult is know that he is on the coach downstairs on the phone with her. I can't hear but he is on the phone in the evening hours (9-10PM) and he normally would never be. I truly find that really disrespectful. But I ignore this.

I came home thursday and made plans with his daughter (she's 11 and we have her every other weekend) to go sledding. we had a great time and H was around and could see us having fun. That night at dinner he seemed realy quiet and actually went upstairs at one point in our bedroom and was crying in the dark. WHen I found him upstairs, I asked him if he was okay and he said...no...I told him that I was sorry he was sad and if he wanted to talk I was here to listen and he said he would be okay. That surprised me because I have not seen any emotion from him like this since the OW...prior to OW and while I was taking my space and had withdrawn from him...his crying would be more frequent. SO I have no idea why he was upset. Could be anything. OW would made him sad....guilt about us made hime sad....his daughter having fun with me and him thinking of leaving us and knowing that I wouldn't see her as much could of made him sad. I just don't know.

I made it through the weekend with continued energy and cheerfulness...playing with our 4 year old and his daughter. I did notice somewhat that he may have been a little sad that the kids were with me having a great time. I'm not sure if he felt left out...but we were always in the same room and he was around. I felt bad and Saturday morning when the kids were still sleeping I told him that I noticed he had been sad and although I wasn't sure why, that I cared about how he felt. I said that I was planning on doing something with a girlfriend for a couple of hours that afternoon and that would give him some time with the kids. I know that he has felt guilty because almost every weekend he is gone snowmobiling or with OW, who conventiently lives near where he snowmobiles. SO i ended the conversation with I care about his feelings and hoped to help if I could (assuming again that his sadness may be because of the kids)

As I was getting up to go back up stairs he said I could help with something and if he could leave on sunday and be gone for a couple of days that would be helpful. (we both know that meant he wanted to see OW....) but I never acknowledge that...and I just said if thats what he wanted to do that was up to him...I would be fine! (But i am not inside...i am really upset)

Throughout that saturday and today he was much nicer...folding the clothes...more talkative..in the same room as me more...more conversation about stuff...actually mentioned to me twice yesterday that I didn't need to leave if I wanted to stay around the house with them. I told him that I appreciated him saying that, but I really actually wanted to go with my girlfriend for a couple of hours and that I would be back around dinner. He even wanted all of us to go out for dinner that night.

Today he was more of the same...nice and thoughtful of me and even lingered a little when he was leaving to go to OW house only alittle thought.....so what does this mean?

Am I planting seeds and creating good memories that are maybe giving him doubts...(he continues to see OW...or is he just feeling guilty and being nice makes him feel better. IT;s so hard because I hate being nice and ignoring what he is doing....I feel so disrespected as this continues. This person has even called my house when I am not home and he is not smart enough to erase the Call ID....

Any thoughts or words of advice. I want to stay positive and think that my being nice is working even though it may be VERY small things I am getting in return...