Meredith..your 5 years continuned.

[cagzmom]

Thank you for you! As I have "gotten to know you" through these boards I have seen much honesty from you and very little bitterness.

The dang switch. You know, I dont think I have even "found" it yet. However, I did decide it is time to find it. That happened on Thursday night with C.

Happiness alludes me right now. I don't mope, I do live...but the deep inner lonliness well I am sure you know it. I am tired of being dead inside.

It is March - a year ago he left. Every month has a memory. Last year it was getting through the memories of what I thought was a happy marriage. This year it is the memories of humiliation-suicide attempts-beer bottle moments -tears shame. GOOD GOD!! I feel like I am on a never ending rollercoaster..yet for the past few weeks I have been on the ride DOWN the hill --- and it hasn't been fun.

Sorry this is such a "lowman" post. Just all this S** is getting to me today. (big surprise!!)