In some ways, your questions about what to do next, to leave, to move on, to accept... show that you are truly beginning to enter the "detachment zone", because you are not totally focused on what she should be doing. But you are still entering, not fully there. You have that stupid male ego need to DO something, to SEE ACTION. You wonder why she's not doing anything, you wonder what you should do. You want to move on, or not, or get her to do things, or wonder if you should take up offers to be fixed up, but are not ready. What do to next?
Just stop. Let everything happen around you, but take no action. Let it be what it is, and if you must do something, just be a good dad, and do wonderful things for you and your kids. Leave W alone and detach. You cannot do anything for or to her or make her progress. She must do that in her own time in her own way. You can only be supportive and avoid making the situation worse for her or you.
I have always wondered if actual physical separation would have made some aspects of my situation easier. My W and I have always lived in at least the same house, mostly the same room. Neither ever left, even with divorce atty's sending letters, and W spending more time with OM than me. I found it so hard at times to keep a PMA, to not be visibly upset or depressed, and often I backslid by simply not being able to be cheerfully accepting of all her bizarre alien crap. I have wondered if it would be easier if I had a place to go away to and cry, or mope, or scream, and then when I did see her to be always peacefully content and show her only my best.
I hear your pain, I hear your frustration. I just tried to read, to follow advice I got here, to post to this board, to do things for me and try to be an upbeat dad. I have muddled through, and we survived. you can do this, but you need to do what you need to do to be the best you can be.
