I appreciate you guys checking in on my sitch. I left for awhile yesterday and she was still short when I got home. Waited a little bit and then went to her and said she'd been really short with me, I didn't deserve that, and if there was a problem I wish she'd tell me. She apologized and said she'd woken up feeling out of sorts. I told her I was sorry she felt that way and walked outside to do yardwork.
Things had gotten pretty bad by the time we started getting ready for dinner. W got REALLY pissed because I'd bought a lot of food to have on hand for the party - not sure why. I validated her opinions but also stated my reasoning. As we started prepping, she could barely speak to me and her hands started shaking. I told her she didn't need to be there if she didn't want to be. She didn't really respond.
And then people showed up and everything relaxed and we had a REALLY good time. A new couple came who had just moved to the area and we hit it off really well with them. Lots of laughter.
After everyone left, it was like she picked the conversation up in mid-sentence, but much more relaxed. She said she didn't know what was wrong with her. I said I didn't appreciate being treated the way she had been treating me and she apologized. She said she didn't know why she wasn't herself around me or why she acted the way she did. I said I wouldn't accept being treated so rudely.
Then I told her that I recognized that things wouldn't improve unless I showed her more of the man she had married rather than the unambitious man I'd become, but it would take time. I said I wasn't trying to do that for her sake, but for myself, because that's the real me. Maybe she wouldn't be attracted to me anymore and that's fine, but I was going to reclaim my life regardless.
She again said she didn't know what was wrong with her, then mentioned that she was going to see a counselor this week. A good DB technique would have been to thank her for telling me that, but I didn't. Instead we slid into what happens next. I told her it would probably be best for her to leave. She said she hadn't unpacked because she thought I'd throw her out. I said I didn't want her to leave, I wanted to make things work, but I didn't know if she'd be open to that or not - so far that hadn't been the case. And if it upset her being in the house she should not be there. She said she was there because it was her house too.
I told her again that I didn't want her to leave but she should do what she wants, then got up, kissed her on her forehead, and went to bed. She stayed up for awhile.
This morning things are relaxed, but there's clearly a question of what happens next. We'll see - I'm staying positive for myself. I like having her here, but I think it was actually easier to DB when she was living at her aunt's.
Whew, this is hard. lodo
PS - WCW, your thread locked. Where will you start your new one?
