I have received 3 lovely cards. D12 made hers herself and has a photograph of all 3 children on the front. She got carried away on the inside and put 'Happy birthday' instead but she has cleverly disguised it by putting an insert into the card. The other two bought theirs but clearly looked at the words very carefully before they purchased them. I also got two gifts. A little teddy from D17 and a bunch of flowers from S15. None of them are here right now but that is ok b/c they are all coming home to cook the evening meal together for me.
S15 has gone out with H again. I had planned on saying 'thank you H for giving me such beautiful children' but in the brief time that he was here the moment didn't feel right so I didn't. I thought he might miscontrue it as me rubbing it in his face that I see them everyday and he doesn't. I didn't want that. If I had said it it would have been b/c I am genuinely grateful to him for being the father of my kids.
I've TMd my own mum today. She is on holiday in Portugal with her friend. We celebrated Mother's day with her last weekend when she was here.
The children bought MIL a card and each signed it. D17 took it round last night. MIL wasn't in so she just popped it through the letterbox. I'm really surprised at her b/c she hasn't even rung to say thank you. I decided not to send her a card this year. She no longer treats me like a D so it didn't feel right. I will always encourage my children to treat her with respect though.
I'm really torn with all these sightings of H. In a way it is easier when I don't see him. I raise my expectations of him too high when I do see him and usually end up getting hurt. I'm trying to think positive that he will eventually come back so that I project that when I do see him BUT I also feel like I am fooling myself by doing that b/c his words and actions all say he is never coming home. AARRRRRRGGHHHH I just wish I could explain all this to him and know that he would listen.
Don't worry you don't need to send any 2x4s my way I'm not about t backslide again. I'm just 'voicing' my thoughts to stop them from spinning round and round in my head.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
