MLC came to my house...

[tpaschal]

My husband told me last night that he's been looking for another partner for at least 10 years. . . that our coming together is only f**king

That's after he said we should never have gotten married, never really loved me with his whole heart, something was always missing, blah, blah, blah

He also told me that he was always happy in our marriage, that it's not me, that he always felt loved and supported, will always cherish the memories of our life together, that I'm an awesome wife and lover, that I deserve better,(he got that one right) blah, blah, blah. . .

So many inconsistencies. . . so much BS. . . he doesn't really know his a** from his elbow anymore and the scary thing is that I'm not sure I do either

So true. So many inconsistencies. One minute he would tell me that he wasn't trying to erase our 20 happy years together, the next he was telling he'd been miserable our whole life together and never should have married me.

I also got the "you deserve someone better" speech. Well, first he kept telling me that he didn't love me anymore, wasn't emotionally available anymore, and should find someone else. Then it was that we weren't right for each other and never had been, that he obviously wasn't strong enough to stand up to me all those years to let me know how unhappy I made him, and I needed someone stronger. Told me that he was tired of being the good guy and wanted to be the "bad boy" and that I should just move on.

<sigh> It's bizarre.

[Treese]

Got that too; I need to find someone else cause I'd be happier..Yea, to relieve HIS guilt. that he's just not In love anymore and I need to accept it...He's not happy and hasn't been for years...says he's been thinking about doing this for a very long time......even telling his friends WE have been talking about it for a long time.. I dont' remember ever being involved in that conversation...They are all bizzare....

Treese

[leahsbeau]

so funny. . . I also go the you deserve someone better than me. . .

So, he's going to go off and give his inferior self to someone else??? And give her all the love and attention that should, by rights, be given to the one person who loved and supported him through 25 years of living

[leahsbeau]

It's insane. . . and you're right. . . they are trying to absolve themselves of guilt and responsibility. . .

How incredibly stupid do they think we are that we can't see through their transparent justifications?

There are so many levels of hurt and betrayal that it's hard to really determine which one galls the most. . . But if pushed into a corner I would have to say it's the total lack of respect that he has shown for our family, our history and our future. . .rewriting our life doesn't make it true it just cheapens him

It's been a year and a half since this all started and I still can't get over the fact that it's all so cliche. . . it's humiliating

[Treese]

Nice isn't it....I've been with mine for 29 years....she gets everything right now...she gets to hug him, kiss him, make love to him, everything and I get to keep loving him from affar and maybe jsut maybe he'll come to his senses and come home....somethings wrong with that picture...but then again i'm not dealing with the man I married.....

and a year and a half, 2 years, 1 month is too long as far as I'm concerned...but I keep fighting and the days keep slipping by....but I am doing thing for myself now...slowly, but I am.

Treese

[Maya44]

One day at a time, right ladies? It's very hard, and I'm having a hard day today with it all. I have to keep thinking though that he's mentally ill right now. It's not an excuse for them, it's the truth IMO. How else could someone be soooooo opposite from what we married?

[enlightenbylife]

I think they all go to MLC school and learn the same script.

They must all get straight A's because it is all the same spew word for word.

And that's all it is ....MLC spew.

Remember that because the years of misery they recall will get longer, reaching back about 200 years!

My H wanted to set me up with his brother who is going through a divorce...WTF

That's when I knew he was not himself......well actually before that, but that was another cuckoo( making circles at side of my head )moment for me.

E

[Sandyof5]

Ok question for you gals/guys...

My H is just doing his "thing". he has been in town all week but no one knows where he is or where he has been staying. He works and then does...we have no idea?

He contacted my youngest daughter by text and wants to see her this weekend. She said ok. He told her he would have her back for church on Sunday. My youngest does not know for sure of his affair but I know she suspects.

He has been trying to contact my middle daughter by text and phone calls. She ignores him.( now remember my H WAS an amazing dad, very involved in every part of their lives). She finally answered his call last night (outa guilt she told me) and he wants to take her to dinner. She said he was insistant and woudlnt take "no" for an answer. She finally agreed but is asking her new guy friend to go along as she doesnt wanna spend time with her dad alone. Sigh.She knows of his affair and is disgusted.

My H doesnt try to contact my oldest at school. She too knows and is soo upset and full of hate towards him ( again..they were apples of each others eyes)

My question is this #1 why do I feel so angry/jealous/upset? Its like if he calls the girls once every week or 10 days ( thats the pattern) he thnks hes doing fine and is being a good ole dad. #2 is it a good thing he calls girls..even if it is only every 7-10 days? The way I see it is...hes just trying to convince himself "yea I talk to my girls..now onto MY life" He has nothing to do with me. No calls no texts. Nadda. Again..Im sitting back giving him his space, I do not contact him. Ask him questions. Nothing.

I have no idea how he can even look at his girls knowing what he is doing and the lie hes living? I sooo wanna just forbid him from seeing he girls as he's sleeping with someone who is not their mother. Yuck. This is EVERYTHING he has taught them is wrong and now hes doing it?

Advice please? Help with me feelings?

[Sandyof5]

So a friend talked to my H yesterday and this is what my H told him..

-he has a very very close friendship with someone at work.( he and she are having sex. I have proof.)
-her H also works at same company, however he is retired but is back contracting. He suspects his W is having an affair but doenst know with whom.
-this other woman is H manager and it could cause "problems" as she sets his salary? (oh boy)
-When asked by our friend..what about the family you abandoned he said " I will still be close to girls and see them" (he hasnt been, maybe once a week or every 10 days?)
- when asked about me he said" I dont love her anymore and havent in many years". (sigh)
-he told our friend he will be travleing even more and he is doing great at work and one of the Presidenst of company thinks he is answer to all companys problems.Oh and BTW OW travels alot with him.
-H has gained weight and now has a "beer belly". A couple of people have told me this. My H has always been slim and fit. Im sure this is bothering him but I do know he eats EVERY meal out.
- Said OW was going to get a seperation anyways from her H and she made him leave their home and he is living in an apartment.
-When asked about our finances,which he is dropping the ball on, he said "yeah Im a little behind" (little is an understatement)
- when asked about his plan? He had none and said " well I guess I will file seperation". Then when asked more about it by friend he had no clue regarding the "rules" in our state and friend told him "he couldnt afford it.period"

and so it went..I guess there was more but upshot was/is my H really hasnt a clue what he is doing and is just kinda exsisting "doing his thing" with no plan. just totally immersing himself in his job and this OW and that in a nutshell is about it" No plan. Nothing about our house. No plan about our future or his family. Nadda.

And I believe THAT is what will save us.....

Time and patience a LOT of patience....

in the meantime Sandy will be THEE best person she can be, THEE best mom she can be and I will continue to take this time to grow and learn and help others...but most of all pray for my family and the man I knew my H to once be...

(PS oh and that someone will rat them out at work...anyone else think this would be a good thing as I do?)

[a new 2moro]

ok at least know you know they lie to everyone...not just us....