Bombs keep dropping - not meant to be??

[Jen_Jam]

Hello IP and thaniks for keeping posting, it must be tough beingg due to give birth so soon.

I went back over your sitch and remember your H, his conflict avoidance, stonewalling, refusal to compromise. Sorry to hear he's behaving like a horse's bottom again

OK - your more of the same and the hormones. I've never been pregnant but I have had PMS and can identify that it's just nigh on impossible to control feelings.

You LSE (low self esteem) - actually, scrub that. I feel you used to have a bit of it, but I can also see here you're being pushed right to the brink. I remember the letter too, if I had read it I would have been physically sick. Hard to let go on that one, I hope others will chime in here with some help. There was no OW in my sitch and if there had been it would have just about crushed me.

If it's hormones making you more sensitive is this something that is likely to come to an end soon, or will they still be buzzing after giving birth (forgive me, I have no kids thus no experience). If it is something that will come to an end in a few months say, would it be possible for you to say to your H that you would like to discuss your M but not right now, and would be accept being "on hold" for a bit? I expect he would like that cos it would mean he could avoind all conflicts again, but could you cope with that?

And you'e been very specific about what you want but he's still refusing to do anything :(. Putting his head in the sand and hoping it will all go away is stupid, I agree. Is he still doing the "I feel bad because you feel bad" thing, ie putting your wants and needs on the "it's impossible" list and thus trying to make you feel guilty for asking? I ask because I had this. My H "just wants me to be happy" and if he upsets me he doesn't like it. I tell him that I am not going to comfort him and tell him it doesn't matter if he's upset me, because it DOES matter. He no longer gets that pay off of being able to forget about my needs anymore. I think I said something along the lines of "well if you feel bad because you've upset me well you will have to deal with that". Sounds harsh but it worked.

Sorry IP, I feel like I'm not helping much now. You also have the new baby to consider as well ..... ok, the only idea I have is get tough, stand firm. I'm going to carry on having a think here, but I just want you to know I KNOW how frustrating it is to be constantly stonewalled and marginalised, to have your needs treated as impossible demands, to be ignored and expected to be happy no matter what. I used to have to go about smiling all the time because it made it easier for my H, when inside all I wanted to do was curl up and cry my eyes out. It's unfair.

So - ((((((((((((((((((ip)))))))))))))))))))))) big virtual hugs from me and keep posting, even if it's just to rant.