Husband, What are you cooking up?! I know you're not going to tell but you sound so positive. Good for you about not letting her bad mood get to you (read the story about the garbage truck on my thread!). But it seems like you and your W are talking more. It may not be what you want, but if you think back to where you were in previous months, sounds like positive baby steps to me.
Friday night I crashed your party Saturday I said I'm sorry Sunday came and trashed me out again I was only having fun Wasn't hurting anyone And we all enjoyed the weekend for a change
I've been stranded in the combat zone I walked through Bedford Stuy alone Even rode my motorcycle in the rain And you told me not to drive But I made it home alive So you said that only proves that I'm insane
You may be right I may be crazy But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for Turn out the light Don't try to save me You may be wrong for all I know But you may be right
Remember how I found you there Alone in your electric chair I told you dirty jokes until you smiled You were lonely for a man I said take me as I am 'Cause you might enjoy some madness for awhile
Now think of all the years you tried to Find someone to satisfy you I might be as crazy as you say If I'm crazy then it's true That it's all because of you And you wouldn't want me any other way
You may be right I may be crazy But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for It's too late to fight It's too late to change me You may be wrong for all I know But you may be right
You may be right I may be crazy But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for Turn out the light Don't try to save me You may be wrong for all I know But you may be right You may be wrong but you may be right You may be wrong but you may be right
Billy Joel
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Interesting reading. I did not write this but changed the wife to husband....
When chronic depression enters the marriage. Let's say that the Wife has chronic depression. The Husband may pick up many of the tasks that would customarily fall to the Wife. Depending on how long this goes on, an avalanche of negative momentum begins. The longer this process goes on, the more the Husband begins to feel resentful, hence, there is less compassion for the one struggling with depression. Yet, for the Husband, it's like being a single Parent while married. I've been told by many spouses that it would be easier to be a single parent than to live with a spouse struggling with depression, because it's like having a Special needs child in addition to all the other responsibilities. These remarks are not to assign blame or heighten anyone’s sense of being victimized. It's very important to understand that EVERYONE suffers when depression attacks a loved one. Blame only functions to create animosity and distance between two loved ones. Sometimes the spouse of a depressed partner becomes depressed as a result of living within a "depressed lifestyle" for too long. Depression is said to be contagious and can become a shroud over the spouse or family. It's also vital to consider that depression may not only be genetic, but it can also be taught. You heard me right. For instance, our children's most powerful classroom is the home. Both "Nature and Nurture" contribute to depression. Depression works its way into your moods, attitudes, behaviors, tone of voice, posture, life outlook, and work ethic and so on. If you live in a "depression atmosphere" you are constantly modeling and teaching how to be depressed. The first step in a plan of action is to know that it is actually depression that you're dealing with Naming and accepting the problem is half the battle, for BOTH spouses. Why? Well, when folks are depressed, there is no obvious scientific evidence to prove it. And yet people have an instinctive need to what is causing such pain. The depressed person may project their negative feelings onto those closest to them, i.e. a spouse, a boss, the children, the neighbors etc. If you're married to a depressed person,at times you may question your own sanity. Dr Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I believe my W is suffering from chronic Depression. As I look back this has been a problem for a long time. But I did not recognize it. She was not happy. Then she lost her job. I think this is what triggered her to seek out some what she thought was happiness from the past. This is where the OM (her XBF came in) he used her in the past when he was married. And I don't know who talked who into this affair but... I THINK it was a one time thing. They have not had Physical contact in the last year. I don't know if he still calls her because I don't check phone records... But I digress... HE WAS NOT THE PROBLEM. He just took the opportunity to take advantage of a mentally ill person. (wonder If I could sue him on her behalf?) (And I am not being mean Depression is a mental illness). Anyway after most of the fog lifted I think my wife now feels bad about what she did. I think this instead of helping her find happiness now makes her feel worst about herself. She did say she still loves me but not "intimately" this is another sign of depression. So I figure the GALing and giving her space and "letting go" (as much as I was able) was good for me but..... I think it has not done her any good. When her mom was sick the doctor put her mom on anti depressants. My W did not like this. (She did drugs in her younger days but does not like taking drugs (even prescriptions) now. Anyway I over heard her arguing with her sister about her mom taking these. My wife said she had her mom and she also took a "test" on line that showed that she only had "mild Depression". So my wife is depressed already, she knows the affair was wrong. (She admitted that married people should not be having sex with other people at our talk).She is depressed about not having a job but the depression is preventing her from getting a job. And last but not least Depression is contagious. Yes living in a depressing atmosphere does lead to one being depressed... SOOO no mater what I do I can not "fix" my marriage until my wife gets fixed. She will not seek help. How do you tell someone that they are sick? I have come so far. She was really nice today. Aside from having problems with her computer. If I were to say something she would shut down again. If I were to tell the family she would shut down again. I know she needs to help herself but how do you get that point across. I am afraid that the only way that she may see that she is at rock bottom is if I tell her I want out. I still love her but I have seen what is out there. I am afraid that if I opened that door I may not come back in. so to wrap it up
Wife is depressed. She has an affair because she is depressed... she loses her job and gets more depressed. She is unmotivated to get a job because she is depressed... Now I am getting impatient and depressed with my situation. How can you leave a person that is not well?
Dr Love
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
