I have decided to stand for my M. I have decided that I will wait as long as I need to. I love my W and have no desire to be with anyone else, EVER. I married late in life and that was for a reason. The reason was, that I hadn't met W yet.
Without getting too sappy I can honestly say that she was worth the wait and that not only is she my first wife, but she is also my last.
I have to admit that sometimes I suffer a great deal when I see her and have to keep my thoughts of love and my hands to myself. I try to not think about how we used to be, but I don't always pull it off. And who'd want to? There are some pretty terrific memories there. I guess that is what makes days like today difficult. I want to help her and be there for her like I used to, but she doesn't want me to be that way toward her.
She moved out a little more than a month ago and is living with another guy. She says it is platonic but I couldn't tell you if that is the case or not. To be honest I don't think it really matters. Gone is gone. I do a lot of praying and have gotten much closer to God in recent weeks. It has helped, I just pray that it brings W back home and restores out M.
We do go to MC and have an appointment on Tuesday for another session. She does talk to me, mostly about the kids, but we don't fight about stuff. I have told her to let me know if there is anything she needs and we still pay bills from the same account. I think she is having a hard time figuring out who she is. When she figures it out my door will be open as will my arms and my heart. This is the woman of my dreams and I will always be here for her and the boys whether she wants me or not.
I said the words and meant them. For better or worse in good times and bad, I am committed and I am turning my face into the storm. I'll be here when the wind stops blowing.
Sorry for rambling. I just need to let things out from time to time.
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
