TRYING to enjoy the quietness

[kissak]

Wow Guys!!! Thank you for SOO much INformation....

Sorry I missed it!!

One thing I need to learn to do is not flip out over something. I really Need to learn how to CALM down.

This started last night. Me and the kids went shopping. Went to wallie world and can you believe I only spent $40!!! I took the kids out to eat...went looking for my D a new bookbag!

Anyway, then I came back home. On my way I have to pass the EMS building. H wasnt keeping the kids tonight because he needed to pull some time there. When we came by, his truck wasnt there.

OK...this is where my problems always lay and I need some help....I got a little angry. Why wasnt he there...was he with OW. DID he lie to me? My kids wanted to call him to say goodnight. Actually they wanted to stop and see him for a min, but when I saw he werent there, I let them call...OK, yes. I wanted to know where he was. I didnt say anything to the kids. They called him. He didnt answer, but called them right back. My d11 had said "hey daddy, we wanted to call and say goodnite. We were going to stop and see you but you werent there" He then told them that he was, his truck was parked around the back. Ok, he was telling the truth. He showed up to tkd this morning in uniform. My problem is I always kinda get mad when I feel like he is being sneaky. Or not telling me something. I know he doesnt have to tell me a thing, but when I feel like i am lied to or he is leading me on to believe there is still a chance, then well...you can see where I am coming from. I could have blown this all out of proportion before knowing the whole truth. How do I not do this? This seems to be my biggest fault with things lately.

Then today when he came over to get my sons ball glove, my son came up to me and said "daddy said we are having a visitor come to his house later" I said "really, did he say who" (yes, Im nosey) said he didnt know. So, then I get a little angry thinking the OW is coming over....My H can see my frustrations and asks what is wrong. I just said, "well, Son said you are having a visitor come over today and It bothered me that he told me" He then said it was some guy from the Fd.

OK...I need help with this. How do I keep from getting angry. I was never like this before the bomb. I know that all of this and everything makes me get angry easy before I know the whole story...does anyone have this problem??

It is something I need to figure out.

Help? I am really trying not to let it happen.

Then after that I had to go do some work. Had to make some delieveries somewhere....I was early and had to sit in a church parking lot to wait about 30 minutes...I was sitting there and saw my H and kids ride by...now this is an out of the way area and I did text him to say "what u doing" he saw me and came back, parked next to me and they ate their lunch and were going to go 1 block down to the park. I asked if they would mind if i went and sat with them, since i had to wait before I could do my work....the kids said Yes! mom, come to the park with us....H said nothing, he looked at me and said "bye" and drove off. I went down to the park for only a few min. He sat in the truck while I spent the kids around on the merrygoround for a min, when he got out I said I had to go, and he hurriedly said "tell mom goodbye, she has to go" He said it twice...I felt like i was being pushed away....So, I left. Wondering what was wrong, like I was intruding on his time??? He has never acted like that.

Im just so, I dont know....lost? Over analyzing Im sure. I just feel like I am being treated so different than before and I HATE IT!! Ugh.

You know I know what you mean about that in love feeling. I do love my H very much. With all of my heart....but the "in love" feeling I do not feel much. I know I could make it come back, but there is so much hurt lately, that i dont feel IN love.

I did invite my parents over tonight for supper. We cooked on the grill, it was so nice...and quiet! No kids!! I enjoyed spending time with them at MY house. I always go to theirs, but It was nice to have company for a change. Adult conversation!!

So, can anyone help me out on the not "assuming the worse"?

How do I take time to calm down while I wait to hear the whole story??

Big problem for me the last 2 days...

And thanks for the great posts!!