W just called and aparently the afterschool teacher told her about D5 informing me of the new car. W says it is just a loaner (rental) from the OM for her BD and it is a new Cadillac SUV (Esplande?). That was quite the emotional thrill ride for me.
We had a nice time at S7's Egyptian night for his 1st grade class. When we left, I gave W the balloon and card. She gave me a kiss (in front of the kids). Five hours earlier, after hearing what D5 said about mommy getting a new car from OM, I would have never guessed that the night would end this way. I think we need to revise the phrase "Dont believe 100% of what they say, dont believe 50% of their actions, and dont always believe what your kids tell you".
I watched the "Why did I get married?" movie tonight. It was an excellent movie and I enjoyed it very much. It was the best drama movie I have seen in a long time. It did hit close to home because it was about 4 different marriages with troubles. I highly recommend it to anyone going through marriage problems.
Towards the end of the movie, W called me and asked me if I would like to go out for coffee tomorrow morning. I did get her a Starbucks gift card for her BD and she wants to use it. W would like to see the movie too, so I will give it to her tomorrow. Baby steps.
Met briefly with W this morning for coffee. Apparently, she had a nice call with her mother yesterday. She came in the big SUV loaner and still does not know whether it belongs to OM, but she does not really like it that much as it is too big. I gave her the movie, and as we parted, she gave me a nice kiss on the lips. I dont know where this is going, but I like it.
It should be interesting tomorrow at the "Kids Turn" parenting classes if W and I actually get close to one another in class.
Now I am a little confused. I dropped D5 off at the afterschool teachers house and the teacher mentioned that the Cadillac SUV was a gift from OM to my W. W had told her that it was for long trips as he only had a sports car convertible.
So why would W tell me it was a loaner and then this morning she said she thought it might be OM's? I am thinking that she is so on the fence right now. D5 told me when I picked her up at school that mommy was thinking about coming back, but she also said that mommy and OM still kiss. I really believe this is my W's theme song right now:
The weird thing about that song is it was popular when my mother had her A with my fathers good friend. My father said that song hit a little too close to his heart.
I wish for you Kerry that what your D5 said about mommy thinking of coming back is true. I also hope for your D5's sake it is true so she isn't being strung along like you. That would be crushing to hear that as a 5 year old and get hopeful just to be dashed again.
I read in a MLC book that you can't believe any of what they say and only half of what you see. I always remember that if I hear H say things like ILYBNILWY or I am never coming home. And when he looks SO happy...haha, I remember to only believe half of it.
Try to have a good weekend.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
W and I had a good talk today while getting things in bags for Goodwill (on behalf of the cub scouts). She thinks the gift of the $50K plus SUV by OM is weird because she has not committed herself to him. She also feels bad for putting me through all this, but indicates she does not know what she wants yet. She even acknowleged what I had told her long ago about new relationships and passion - she said this thing with OM may burn itself. We agreed to continue to wait and see. I think I threw out a date like July and she thought that was acceptable.
One interesting thing she mentioned was that she had thought if she divorced me that she could be with OM until he died from old age (he is almost 68), and then if I was still unattached, possibly get remarried to me. I think she got this idea from her best friend. What a plan!
We had our first "Kids Turn" parenting class today. When I filled out the forms it asked for primary language and I put down Thai for my W but mentioned that she spoke english just fine. So in typical government fashion, they brought in a Thai interpreter which W thought was ridiculous. When she said hello to the interpreter in Thai (Sawadee Ka), he did not know what she was saying. Turns out the interpreter was from Laos. He still tried to do his job (showing W how to sit in a chair) even though my W and him were not speaking the same native language.
They ended up splitting all spouses apart into 2 different classes and the kids had there own 5-9 year old class. This first class was a waste of time because it was all talking about required attendence and introducing each other. They did give us some homework which was to think of things we can do on our own as individuals to keep our minds off the divorce / seperation. Three more classes on Saturdays this month and we get our certificate.
W took S7 for tonight and I have D5 because I am taking her skiing early tomorrow. Next weekend, we will probably reverse that so I can take S7 skiing. Even though we have a parenting plan, W and I both are flexible and are not following it strictly.
One thing W and I both agreed on in our talk today was that divorce / seperation is bad because each of us lose half the time we normally get to be with the kids.
So my plan remains the same. Just keep being friends with W, have fun with my kids when I have them, work on myself and do things I enjoy on my free time and wait patiently for W to come to a decision on her own time.
One of the biggest things I have to work on is the hurt I have when the kids blurt out things they do with the OM. It is so hard to hear that another man is doing things with my kids that I used to do. I wonder how W would feel if this situation were reversed.
I am sorry you have to go through these classes, they sound like a waste of time for you all anyway.
I am very sympathetic to how you feel about the OM being with your kids. My H still insists there isn't anyone else, which could be true, but if there was and it was known and my kids were around her...well let's just say for me that all DB'ing would probably go out the window. Mainly because it is too damn soon and the kids should not be subjected to that nonsense anyway, I feel the OM/OW stuff is too confusing for the kids especially the younger they are.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
Classes? Ugh! I feel for you on that. And both you and mymonkeybug are right... an OP so soon... I don't think so. I have broached that with my WAW and she blew up! Thought I was calling her a slut and told me that I made her feel cheap. Whatever.
Anyway, keep up the work K. Hopefully things will get better and easier for you. How many of these classes do you guys HAVE to take?
Ken Me: 37 Her: 38 Son: 8 (spina bifida) Son:2 M 6/24/1994 S 1/21/2008 Original Sitch
