Status 2 - W friendlier but still very distant

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Ann, I've read your post several times over; it helps to try to put myself in your shoes or in this case my W's shoes.

I try to bring up something specific, but it may be years old... We forgive those things, but we don't forget, so when we start feeling similar to that again, it's easier to get back to that moment of hurt/anger/frustration like it just happened.

What she harps on seems so distant and trivial and certainly not done with any intent to hurt. With this sort of blame and attack I end up feeling hurt myself; someone has to break this pointless cycle. Anyway I think the lesson here (at least for me) is that sometimes we magnify/exaggerate things and at other times downplay them to suit ourselves so we can put the blame on the other person. And so I'm willing to accept her POV for peace sake and it would be much easier to do if she dealt with the present.

That is a possibility, but i also think she's probably struggling with her M being over.From a mother's POV, if i leave, I'm taking responsibility for my pain, his pain and the pain of my children.

She puts all the blame sqarely on me. And she claims everyone is happier with the M being over except me. I have difficulty accepting all the blame but if it means saving the M I'd do that too. What I also realize that in her mind (and in a lot of WAS) its over way earlier than they actually hit us with it.