Still Confused - Just not as fresh

[Snow White]

When did you actively begin DBing?

I started right after reading the book probably around the mid January, I did really well till the confrontation on Super Bowl Sunday (Feb 3) and then did a good job while we were at Disney and then had a backslide when we returned for a few days and I am back at it again.

Perhaps this would be a good time to Take Stock (DR, chapter 7). The idea is to look at any progress made as a whole, not from day-to-day. Have things improved dramatically, are they slightly better, or is the R not moving forward at all? Look at the bigger picture.

I need to get my own copy of the book I borrowed it from the library read it cover to cover in a day and returned it. Do you suggests DB or DR? I read DB.

Inconsiderate? Yeah, probably, but at the very least, acknowledge and take some comfort in knowing that he was honest about his whereabouts.

I did take comfort and that is why I went, wrong or not.

Remember, the key is to tell H how certain actions make you feel without actually saying that it is because of him, that his actions are the problem. Does that make sense?

Perfect sense, and I will work on it.

Quoting Dr. Glass in reference to Being Accountable:

Be willing to prove you are trustworthy. If you are the UP and your S is constantly snooping around, you might misperceive his or her need to know as an autonomy problem for you instead of a security issue for your S. It isn't that your partner has a neurotic need to control your every move. Rather, knowing what is really going on is the only way a traumatized person can begin to reestablish trust. Your approach here can be, "I will help you check up on me." Specifically, you can turn over the beeper, share the cellphone bills, and share you e-mail correspondence. If your A was an internet A, share your internet history file.

Oddly this has not been an issue all the bills have always come to me and the history of the computer is wide open, in fact even his facebook and email accounts have the same passwords I set up on them. That is why when this all unfolded at Christmas is was so strange I said surely you knew I would get the phone bill with the 200 calls, he said yes but I didn;t think that you would think what you are thinking. Same with the texting from Disney he knew I would know but chose to do it and then deal with it when I found out.

If you are going to be late, call home. It's not fair to create worry. After half an hour, your partner is imagining all kinds of horrible things. Think of what it's like to have a teenager with a new driver's license who doesn't want to wake you up by calling to let you know he or she will be late. You are already sitting on pins and needles, picturing the funeral. In your case, your partner is on pins and needles picturing the rendezvous.

No kidding, on top of everything else, on Dec 23 2000, the December before we got married my H called my house at 4 am to tell me has 33 year old brother had just died in a snowmobile accident, his wife was pregrnant with their first child, he had fallen off his snowmobile and was run over on another snowmobile by one of my H's and my best friends(the one that owns the house ow is renting). So all of a sudden I also realized that these things happen too, and it has always been a fear of mine when it starts to get to those hours of the night.


Date night has been postponed until tomorrow my parents watch D on Monday so we are going to have her sleep over there so we can have a nice evening.