KLM, You are so nice to be helping me and giving me suggestions, thank you.
I think I really messed things up bad. We went out the other night to a bar with some friends, and we got a little drunk so he said lets just stay at my apartment. We ended up walking there and for some reason my emotions just erupted.
He said something about being an alcoholic, and I jumped on the opportunity to tell him that I think he drinks way too much and that I dont like how he practically lives at the bars now. This turned into an all out fight. I was crying and yelling and scared. I wanted to go home but he wouldn't let me since I had been drinking. He finally calmed me down and I stayed at his apartment & we slept seperately.
In the morning, I went to go tell him that I was sorry, and when I woke him, he pulled me close and kissed me and we ended up making love for the first time since last dec. ( I knew it wasn't the best thing to do, but I felt so bad about the night before). The scary thing is we had crazy sex that lasted two hours and he couldn't even finish.
Afterwards, he said he knows we have a lot of issues to talk about, but he didn't want to do it then cuz I had to go to my bowling league. I said ok and "get a hold of me", he said he would.
When I got home, I text him: "I am sorry I was such a mess, and i hope I didn't ruin what we had got started, please forgive me". He responded: "You cant ruin anything wit5h me, it is what it is, I have many reservations and they wont be fun to discuss, but I cant hold back anymore, i shouldn't have gotten with you this morning, I am such a dog".
When I got home from bowling, he had previously come into my place and gotten most of his things. He has not called me all day.I am so scared.
I do think he is still deep in replay. He has been drinking since he was 15 when we met, but it was mostly just for fun then. About three years ago, he started going in major debt from his own roofing company and became a full out alcoholic (and it runs in his family). He has gotten way worse, now that he is out on his own and going to the bar everynight (he drinks like a case or more and several shots a day, and he is only like 160 lbs-@ most).
I do believe that his MLC started about three & 1/2 yrs ago, even though he has only left me on & off for this last year. I think his MLC is a direct result of his bankruptcy he filed for about two months before he left me the first time. And it is also probably a result of his childhood (physically abusive and alcoholic dad, and his mom did nothing to stop the beatings).
My H is so confused and trying to change every little thing about his life, it is the saddest thing to watch happen. TIPPER
