New and alone

[JenInVen]

Hi everyone

I posted this elsewhere but thought you all might be able to help me out.

Here is a development which I cannot read. H went to have a few drinks with a friend of the family (D Gods Father)last night. When I saw him today he said he is going to "disappear" for a couple days. Would have his phone off. He said he's exhausted and depressed (while tears welled in his eyes)and he wants to be alone to regroup and think.

I told him to do what he needed to do and I could tell he wasn't well. I told him I thought it would do him good to go and rest somewhere. He said he might go to the beach.

Has this happened to anyone else? What could it mean? I guess it's his way of going dark? Is it a good thing or a bad thing.

Thanks,
Jen

[stella_k]

Jen, I am really not good at that, you know, but I'd rather think it's a positive development.

Interesting that your H also said he is depressed today, just like mine. In my case I'm hoping that the Replay is over and we are on the 4th stage - Depression, and I would do anything to be supportive and help him through.

You were very supportive and understanding when you told him to do what he had to do and encouraged him to go dark. Good DBing, as usual!

[JenInVen]

Thanks Stella. I was looking at it in a positive light too but could see the negativity also.

I guess I'll know if it's good or bad when he gets back.

Jen

[JenInVen]

Can someone point me to the link that cntains the stages of MLC? I have been searching and can't seem to find it.

Much appreciated,
Jen

[stella_k]

Here it is, Jen:

MLC stages

[addie]

Hi Jen!
I'm not sure what it all means but you handled it perfectly. You supported H and encouraged him to do what he needs to do. Obviously your H is depressed and has a lot of thinking to do. He may give you some answers when he gets back but then again he may continue to be confused. Don't expect anything and that way you won't be disappointed.

You may want to post your question about the stages of MLC on that forum.

[JenInVen]

Thanks for responding. I guess I'll know what to think when he gets back from his mini V. I know it'll do him good I just hope he comes back in a better mood and well rested.

I'll do what I can to support him even though I want the opposite of what he wants right now.

Jen

[JenInVen]

Stella, thanks for the link

[JenInVen]

Hi guys

H left for the day. I called about a financial issue and we argued a bit. I sent him a brief TM and that was it. I went dark after that. He called 5 or 6 hours later and I didn't bother to answer the phone because D and I were watching a movie. I had a voice message and he was thanking me for the day but he was talkinhg so much and the voice message wasn't 100% recorded.

I called him back. H said he was 4 hours outside Caracas and that he got in the car around 11 am and just drove away. He was on his way back at around 6 PM. He told me "thank you for the day, I got a chance to think about a lot of things. Whenever you need your day let me know and I'll watch D" I told him "I know you needed a day to think and relax. I know you like to drive and find that relaxing so I hope you got a chance to enjoy your drive with whatever music you wanted on the cd player. I hope you had a nice day"

he'll be going again for 2 or 3 days this week. I'm not going to call him and certainly not going to ask him where he's going.

He seemed so appreciativce today so I figure 2 or 3 days will be nice for both of us.

H told his friend Friday that our marriage was broken and he saw no way out of it. But was encouraged to take a little vacation to think things over. The wife and I went out to eat with our kids last night. She told me to hang in there and told me to translate my resume into Spanish and give it to her. She's a good friend and I didn't realize it until last night.

Thanks for listening/reading

Jen

[addie]

You responded to H in a supportive manner and he seems to be appreciative of that - he called you a couple of times while he was on his mini vacation thinking things through - this is a baby step. Keep up the DBing.