Paddle tennis is a winter sport played on a raised platform whiccch is much like tennis but the court has chicken fencing all around it and you paly off of all four walls. Really fun. Bond fires, food, drink, old friends and stuff like that.
I met a newly divorsed friends new girl friend there and had a nice chat with her. She knew exactly what my W was going through. She has been D for 3 years and said my W is currently in great pain and it is going to be a while before she chooses either way what she is going to do.
She invited me to her home town to meet her girl friends. She said she was already thinking about who she would fix me up with. Boy am I no where near that stage. I can not even think of that but everyone wants to set me up. There is only one girl for me right now but boy how long can I hold on? OUCH! I miss my baby.
Grace, you are always in my thoughts, I hope you day is going well.
I'm doing ok (not good, but not really bad either). Thanks for asking.
I have a friend who isn't trying t set me up, but just b/c of the peolpe she knows I'm getting invitations. Like you, I'm not ready to go there. I think that even if it ever happens, it will be a long time. I see myself as too mucked up. There's alot I need to do.
I'm going to curl up with either D's (if they're at home, invites are in the wings for them tonight) or the cat and watch a movie. I'm thinking "Dan in Real Life".
The paddle tennis sounds fun. esp the fires and company.
Grace, I keep fighting this feeling like i want to give up. Is this natural or OK.
I am glad to hear that you are doing OK. Are you feeling better and better everyday like I am?
It was great talking to that lady today but I could not get involoved with anyone either. But It would be nice to have a nice female friend that could maybe turn into something someday. i am really starting to think that way and think that I deserve to share and enjoy my wonderful life with someone that wants to be with me. This sitch is miserable and I am really starting to think about giving up. More times then not when I look at her I want to spit.
This lady was just trying to enforce with me that there is life after Divorse and she had many friends that would love to be with someone like me. She also said not to woryy about W going out to bars for she will meet nothing but slugs in bars. She deserves a slimy slug. That would show her what she had and gave up.
You may be at that point we all reach sooner or later. I have followed your thread some and I know you are very frustrated as we all are.
You do deserve to be happy.
You do deserve to be loved.
You do deserve to have a wonderful life.
The point you may be at is where you have to decide what you want. If you decide you want to save your marraige then there is something you must do. You must commit to that goal no matter what happens, no matter how discouraged you become, no matter how hopeless things look, no matter how tired you are, no matter what anyone says (example; "there's life after divorce").
Only you can make this decision. If you decide to fight for your marraige you will have to ignore how you might feel at any given moment and whatever anyone might say or do.
In answer to your question is it natural to feel like you want to give up. Have you ever run a marathon? Didn't you feel like you wanted to give up? Have you ever done anything that was worthwhile? Didn't you feel like you wanted to give up at some point?
You are facing a marathon, not a sprint and this may be the most difficult and the most worthwhile thing you have ever done (I don't know you) and it is totally normal therefore that you will feel like you want to give up.
What do you want, Broken Tree?
Last edited by sleeper; 03/02/0801:39 AM.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
It just seems like she is putting in no effort what so ever and seems so hopeless. I would do anything to save my marriage but it takes two and she is so nasty and combative all the time. She loves it and I hate it. It's very painful.
My Dad said "never wrestle with a pig, you both get muddy but the pig loves it". Well she is having a great time and this is no fun for me.
She is always running around, Philly tonight and out with friends the next. I will be taking care of the boys and running them to soccer and other things. I feel really used. I pay all the bills and she banks her check. It S*cks. I thought she would come back from her twelve day cruise with a new attitude but it just got worse. If someone could only tell me, or give me an estimate how long I would be in this hell it would be bareable. Now it is just pain everyday. Today is great because she is not here and the house is calm and quite. The boys love when she is gone yet even when she is here she is not home much anyway. I feel like a nanny that pays the bills.
I am going to Colorado next week and I am going to GAL my A** off.
Thanks for your thoughts and just to let you know I have not given up yet but I don't know how much longer I can do this. I know that she is about to give up too. I would not miss her rudness to me or the kids and her feeling she is so important wth her cell phone and texting. It is all a big act.
I had so much fun today hangin with old friends that I have not seen in a long time and they were so happy i was there hangin with them. This would not happen if my W was around. Other friends just called just now and said come down to the Cigar Shop and hang. This I can notdofor no one is here to watch the kiddo's.
The ONLY thing you can do is detatch (easier said than done). Have you noticed nothing you are doing is improving the sitch? It's because nothing you can do will improve the sitch.
If I had this to do all over again the one thing I know I would do differently is I would have detached COMPLETELY in the beginning. No contact = no fighting. No contact = no pain (for you). No contact = no feeling used.
Be with your kiddos. They need you now more than you will ever know. You will get a blessing out of this hell if you plan to spend as much time as possible with them. I have bonded with my kids more than I could ever have dreamed. I now take them whenever it is possible, even for WAW to do her thing. We now have shared many wonderful times together that I know they will never forget. They PREFER my place (an 800 sq ft apt) to W's (our 2600 sq ft house).
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
"Personally, I think separation is good for these situation. It allows the space and freedom that she thinks that she wants. It also allows her to find out that the grass isn't greener. As long as you live together, she may resent you and believe you are holding her back from her fantasy. However, The big problem with this is that it is hell on the kids."
This is exactly what i am struggling with now. I, in reality should go get my own place but it would take a huge toll on my lovely healthy kids. My beleif is that this is her issue and she should own it not me. I LOVE her and nothing has changed for me. I also LOVE my children and could not imagin a day without them. We have a rhythm in our house, almost a music, that starts in the early morning and lasts all day. This lovely music is now being interupted by a loud, instrument that we did not invited.
My view is she should leave and find what she is looking for. I don't believe it is out there but she does and should go find it if she may. If she stays here with the big house and all the kids issue she will only become madder. I think she should go find a very simple to take care of place so she can chase this dream.
If I leave it will only increase the pressureon her and it will become the kids problem and mine and she will only resent us for it. I am not leaving, she may if she likes. I REALLY believe she is in great pain making this decision. Until she makes this decision we are in a great painful stalemate. She says she has been advised not to leave for she would lose all leaverage. What is she looking for leaverage or freedom?
I am really struggling with this and the fights and convo's are really starting to effect the kids. Last night the boys and I were watching a movie together and I asked them if they missed Mom and they all said "I don't know, it is kinda nice now". I said I miss her very much and my S12 said what do you miss the arguments? From the mouths of babes, the words ring true. Listen closely to what they say.
