Welllll...good question...yes, I did love my H very much...even through the crisis...at the same time I was hurt and angry as to be expected... I can't say I had to fall back in love with him per say as much as I had to adjust my feelings once things started that direction...for a long while I did walk on egg shells...and questioned my sanity in doing so...after all I figured he should have been the one doing that...but I just kept hoping that at some point things would get to solid ground where I could start exposing some of my feelings and H would be able to handle it...and together we would work through this... In a sense I did have to fall back in love also...he had changed some...and I had changed some...so there was that...plus I had to get used to the new him with the new me... Like I have mentioned many times to ones here...reconciling is very difficult...and to question yourself...your motives...you belief that you can do it after waiting for the chance for so long...are all feelings I had and I suspect normal given the situation... Our relationship is much different now...I am calmer...I don't react harshly to situations that are not the way I want them...I don't panic...I am much more reasonable and patient...I don't have to have my "say" right now...I can wait and discuss things at a more appropriate time...I don't try and control so much (I didn't realize I controled so much...nor did I mean to)...if something really doesn't matter in the big picture of things I let it go...in return H responds to me in a more positive way...he is still growing in our relationship...there was a lot of damage that we were not even aware of in our marriage...things that had been covered over and glossed over to the point that we didn't accept that they existed and therefore didn't take the steps to remedy them... My H (in his mentally healthy state before MLC and after) is really a likeable guy...very inteligent...fun seeking...adventerous...those things are really easy to meld with him on...he can be quite stubborn and I have to accept that somethings we just won't agree on...before I always felt that if he didn't agree with me it was because he didn't understand what I was trying to say so I keep talking, trying to explain myself better...to him this came across as pressure and controling...he understood me but just simply didn't agree...I have learned that it is okay for him not to agree...as long as he understands me...which we have gotten better with in our communications...
